February 4, 2012
Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide brings back a brand new episode to remind you why this all started four years ago. In the first part of this ill-advised season cliffhanger, Janeway plans to turn a group of drones just looking for a few hours peace away from the collective into her own army, and will do anything, no matter how ridiculous, to make it happen.
February 2, 2012
Kicking off our month-long look at new Doctor Who, Rose. A teenage girl becomes pulled into the world of a 900-year old alien time traveler and wants to join him in his tiny wooden box. A popular family show in the UK.
January 31, 2012
A look at this unusual film about a cave man who is still alive in modern times. The last work of author Jerome Bixby.
January 28, 2012
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide returns to Reg Barclay. No holodeck worries now, no, he's just a hypochondriac who is terrified of the transporter just because their are lovecraftian horrors within it.
January 26, 2012
Yes, the pilot episode of Brannon Braga's post-Star Trek series, Threshold. You've probably heard about it, but have you actually seen it? No? Then prepare to be filled with... something. Aliens and mutants threaten and all that stands in their way is a quasi-fascist government project called Threshold. Enjoy!
January 24, 2012
Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide takes a thorough look at the worst episode of Voyager ever, Threshold. Tom can travel to infinity, mutate into a giant salamander thing, and raise himself from the dead, and that's just a handful of the ridiculous things in this episode that culminates in freaky salamander sex. Ew.
January 21, 2012
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide looks at one of the build-ups to last year's Dominion War arc with Children of Time. It doesn't really have to do with the war but it's how Kira knows about Odo's feelings for her because his jerk future incarnation sills the beans. Future versions of yourself always screw you over, remember that!
January 19, 2012
Opinionated Enterprise Episode Guide now looks at Dear Doctor. Phlox splits his time between plotting to get into Cutler's pants and trying to wipe out an alien race for the horrible crime of existing. Bonus: the Prime Directive Discussion.
January 17, 2012
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide struggles valiantly to try to find things to make fun of in this week's episode. Unfortunately, the universal "It's a fake!" meme has kind of exhausted that possibility. In this episode, those whacky DS9ers are at it again, as Sisko conspires with Garak to convince the Romulans to enter the war on their side, and winds up getting in a whole heap of trouble.
January 14, 2012
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide looks at the fan favorite, Darmok. An incomprehensible alien kidnaps with Picard so they can bond while a monster tries to kill them, and Worf wonders what the hell is up with Riker being such a pussy.
January 12, 2012
Opinionated Enterprise Episode Guide looks at the first of two unintentionally related episodes. In this chapter, Mayweather actually gets to do something besides fly and hurt himself, as they have to deal with a human freighter that's been attacked by pirates. Naturally, Archer sides with the pirates.
January 10, 2012
Aliens crash in Wisconsin for God only knows what reason, so Mulder must head behind the cheddar curtain to get evidence of this. This may be the opening the FBI has been waiting for to shut down the X-files permanently, but when why would that bother Mulder?
January 7, 2012
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide looks at the return of Barclay from Hollow Pursuits. This time he doesn't hide in a holodeck, he controls the whole ship from one after he develops super-duper-brains. Featuring another visit by a big giant head.
January 6, 2012
Opinionated Enterprise Episode Guide looks at season 4's Observer Effect, aka Revenge of the Valakians. Trip and Hoshi pick up a disease rooting through garbage and will die while people gather at the window and stare at them. Archer also gets to make a speech, I'm afraid.
January 5, 2012
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide looks at the bizarre Where Silence Has Lease. Worf must wipe the drool off his chin long enough to help our heroes sort out a bizarre alien experiment. Includes a thousand tangents, but what can you do?
January 4, 2012
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide finds the crud clinging to the bottom of a dumpster and presents it for your entertainment. Shades of Gray, aka, how not to do a clip show. You know it's bad when the clips are the best part of the show.
January 3, 2012
Opinionated Enterprise Episode Guide treads fearfully into its darkest hour. A Night In Sickbay proves without a doubt that Archer is insane, and he inflicts that insanity on all around him. Not for the weak.
December 31, 2011
Opinionated Trek Film Guide is now complete as we look at Abrams introduction to the franchise. An actual Romulan challenges Shinzon's claim as worst villain, Kirk is shown to be an asshole, and Spock and Spock must help him save the world. All filmed inside of the Apple Store, I think.
December 28, 2011
Opinionated Enterprise Episode Guide takes a look at the first non-B&B episode of Enterprise, and thus one that doesn't exactly suck. Learn about the Tucker's secret boots, the crayon fax machine, and the depths of Archer's loathing for the Vulcans (again).
December 25, 2011
Merry Christmas from Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide! This year's outing is Code of Honor, where an already embarrassingly bad story is made even worse by being run by a director who seemed to fall through a time warp from 1930. Let's put it this way: it's one of the earliest episodes of TNG, it has a holodeck bit, it has a Wesley bit, and it still manages to be worse than that might imply.
December 23, 2011
Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide looks at Phage, aka, the one where Neelix's lungs are stolen (just in time to get you into the Christmas spirit). Watch Janeway's idea of justice in action, Paris get slapped around, and a 24th century shriner. Plus, Lollipop.
December 20, 2011
What better X-Files episode to make Christmas extremely creepy than Squeeze, where in a mutant serial killer is capable of squeezing through tight spaces. One of them is, yes, a chimney. Remember children: He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake...
December 17, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide closes out its look at the character of Dukat. Trapped on a planet with a wounded Sisko, Dukat figures it'd be a good time to a) go crazy, and b) ask what Sisko thinks of him as a person. Some days it just sucks to be Sisko.
December 15, 2011
Opinionated Enterprise Episode Guide looks at Acquisition. The Ferengi make their final Star Trek appearance in an episode founded upon being as utterly stupid as possible. The "hero" is a stupid potential serial killer.
December 13, 2011
We return to Babylon 5 after a bit of time away to back up slightly and figure out how everything went wrong for the Narn. They're bombed back to the Stone Age... ironically, by stones. Plus, a very special G'kar speech.
December 10, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide closes out its look at the opening salvos of the Dominion War. Sisko takes a massive fleet to try to retake DS9 in the hopes that the Dominion's far more massive fleet on the other side of the wormhole can't get through their minefield. Also, the minefield is destroyed. Oops.
December 8, 2011
Opinionated Enterprise Episode Guide takes a look at the return of the Andorians. In this outing, we watch Archer get his stupid ass beaten again and again, but it's not all fun and games. The Andorians have mutated into bumpy foreheaded guys like most Trek aliens, so a hostage plot emerges and we get to see more of Vulcans acting like complete pricks for no reason. Plus, "sacred" relics, and proof Reed's the only person approaching competence.
December 6, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide returns with a tale about heroism and Bashir. Naturally, it takes place on a holodeck. An explosion (TM) leads to a transporter accident (TM) that causes a holodeck malfuction (TM) as Bashir plays James Bond (TM). If only it'd been called Quantum of Solace, it'd have fit perfectly into Trek.
December 3, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide looks at the beginning of the end for the opening struggles of the Dominion War. The minefield is ready to come down, the Federation is on the move, Rom's about to be executed, but all Odo can do is have sex with the female Changeling. That's not a joke, he's really doing that. Yeah, I know.
December 1, 2011
Opinionated Enterprise Episode Guide takes a look at another hack rendition of a cliche sci-fi plot. No effort is made to add anything remotely fresh to this tired idea. Enterprise discovers the remains of the Terra Nova colony that disappeared less than a hundred years ago, and in that time have completely transformed all aspects of their culture... but haven't run out of bullets. Also, Archer decides he hates Reed.
November 28, 2011
We return to Battlestar Galactica to check out how the fleet has been doing since Adama's speech about Earth. At the moment, they're being chased by the Cylons, who attack them every 33 minutes, which because it's taking longer than half an hour means the attack is four dollars off.
November 26, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide continues to look at the opening days of the Dominion War. While Sisko deals with reassignment to command, Kira's trying to sabotage things on Ds9. Odo's supposed to be helping, but he's got a case of changeling pussywhip, poor dope.
November 24, 2011
Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide looks at Coda. In another bit of adoration of Janeway, she is locked in a time loop where she learns everybody thinks she's awesome and dead and there's a dancing swan and, screw it. Coda is like an alien doing a drive by anal probe on you: uncomfortable, off-putting, and a bit goofy.
November 21, 2011
Our next X-Files episode, titled "Deep Throat" after the character in the show named "Deep Throat" in reference to the real information named "Deep Throat" whose name was taken from a porn film. That porn film was called "Nixon Is Screwed." Oh, it's got some ufology stuff in it. The X-Files episode, not the porn movie.
November 19, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide continues our look at the opening shots of the Dominion War. While things get antsy on DS9 with Dukat trying to get into Kira's pants again, Worf has to deal with his son wanting to join the military. His son who is like the Klingon Eurkel.
November 17, 2011
Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide looks at one of the first of many episodes that messed with causality and time travel and other stuff Trek does when they have no idea what to do this week. Janeway and Tom dress in horrible costumes and then frighten small children before letting a planet get blown up.
November 15, 2011
An opinionated look at Farscape's "Bone to Be Wild." With a newborn starship, staying away from evil fleets and a crazy-looking man in a leather suit is hard, but it gets even harder when you're on a planet where the only non-plants are Sloth from Goonies and someone who loves Torres skeletal lock system.
November 12, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide continues to look at the opening hostilities of the Dominion War. Having been shot down over a barren planet along with a Jem'hadar patrol, our heroes must survive and try to contact help. But even worse than that, Kira's getting coffee from Cardassians, which upsets her to no end... damn Cardassian coffee...
November 10, 2011
Opinionated Enterprise Episode Guide looks at the sole Borg story in Enterprise. Since the Federation didn't meet them for two hundred years, that's one more than you'd expect.
November 8, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide leaves that depressing Dominion War stuff behind for this week. Instead we'll look at the return of a man Kira believes was the head of a labor camp who had Bajorans killed in large numbers because he's an evil, evil man. If that wasn't depressing enough, an appearance by plague victims.
November 5, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide continues it's looking at the start of the Dominion War. The Dominion controls DS9 and to make things worse, Sisko also has to trade in his baby for a Jem'hadar ship. They need to destroy a secret base and get back home intact... well, they manage half of that, anyway...
November 3, 2011
Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide looks at The Cloud, an episode where everyone tries really, really hard to overcome just how awful the story at the heart of this episode is. They fail, but they tried, they really did. Voyager is low on fuel, so they kick the ass of a living cloud for a bit while Harry and Tom keep the holodeck running into the wee hours. Plus, explaining what a voodoo shark is.
October 31, 2011
An opinionated look at the classic film starring Harrison Ford where he mumbles over the voiceover. Robots are pretending to be humans, and so start killing people because that's one of the things people love doing the most.
October 29, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide kicks off seven weeks of Dominion War coverage. Constantly convoys of Jem'hadar ships combined with political maneuvering leaves Sisko with no choice but to mine the wormhole, even if it will lead to war. The good news though is: cool space battles!
October 27, 2011
An opinionated look at the short-lived series (although that's all too common a descriptor these days) Firefly, the episode Jaynestown. Jayne has unwittingly become a folk hero to people who dig mud all day, while Shepard Book scares River with his hair.
October 24, 2011
Kicking off six months of X-Files reviews is the Pilot. Dana Sculley, who has never done anything to anyone, winds up stuck with a nut studying bizarre cases at the FBI, and thanks to being stuck in crazyville, he's right about just about everything.
October 22, 2011
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Week concludes with The Outcast. A member of an androgynous race falls for Riker in an attempt to provide allegory for homosexuality, which fails in part because no one is even slightly gay and the love interest is played by a woman.
October 20, 2011
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Week continues with a special request for the opening two episodes of My Little Pony. The Mare In The Moon is coming, and only pony anti-hero Sparkle Twilight stands between the cute multi-colored critters of the land and the apocalypse.
October 18, 2011
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Week continues with a special request for a mind-bending episode of an already mind-bending series, Twin Peaks. I'm still not entirely sure what's happened here.
October 16, 2011
We kick off Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Week with the return of Opinionated Enterprise Episode Guide's Unexpected. Also known as, "The one where we see just how idiotic Berman and Braga really are." Tucker gets raped and impregnated, which everyone else thinks is hilarious. Assholes.
October 8, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide starts its look at Reg Barclay with Hollow Pursuits. Nobody likes poor Reg except Guinan, but Picard puts Geordi in charge of turning him around, along the way discovering that Reg puts the holodeck to really creative uses, and also to make fun of Riker, not that that's terribly hard.
October 6, 2011
Opinionated Enterprise Episode Guide looks at Strange New World, which shows us once again that these nimrods have no business out here, at least until they get their act together. Enjoy the historic arrival on a new planet: that's one small step for a man, one giant leap for white trash.
October 4, 2011
Opinionated Enterprise Episode Guide looks at the first post-pilot episode, and things actually manage to get worse. We discover Captain Archer is insane and his crew is populated with bizarre phobias and fetishes. Plus, your one shot unstoppable alien menace of the week.
October 1, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide looks at In the Cards. Things are grim on Deep Space Nine, with everyone depressed that the situation with the Dominion will lead to a war where they'll have to defend Federation principles like bettering ourselves rather than seeking material needs or wants. The only thing that raises their spirits is being given things they want. Shut up.
September 29, 2011
Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide examines the second episode, Parallax, which is almost adorable in its awfulness. They need to pick a new chief engineer, so the battle between Torres and Carey is on, all while Voyager has to deal with a mean ole' black hole.
September 27, 2011
A review of this as a science fiction piece rather than as a game. Shiva Shepard stands at the center of a whirlwind of death, then is resurrected by a pro-human splinter group so that even more death and explosions can happen.
September 26, 2011
Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide looks at the season seven episode Body And Soul. While Tuvok goes through the pon farr (or however it's spelled), the Doctor is put in Seven's body. Thankfully, those two events are not related.
September 24, 2011
Opinionated Trek Film Guide looks at Star Trek Nemesis, last of the original 10 film. It has an evil clone, pointless action, and Janeway - it's like they made this movie just for me to review it. Say goodbye to the TNG heroes as they go up against their most incompetent villain in recent memory.
September 22, 2011
Opinionated Red Dwarf Episode Guide continues with Series VII. Surviving the paradox, our heroes struggle to deal with the loss of Rimmer, the arrival of Kochanski, and a real low point in the series overall. Still, it has Kryten in a tank.
September 20, 2011
By special request, an opinionated look at the middle portion of Peter Jackson's big screen version of Lord of the Rings. Big bad guys decide to pick on the people of Rohan for no reason while tree guys attack a wizard, and two midgets try to sneak into the most dangerous place there is accompanied by an imbalanced frog guy. Plus, an abbreviated look at what leads up to it.
September 19, 2011
Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide continues the trend of warped reality this week, as that is the most likely chance the crew gets for dignified victory. The Doctor's daydreams become hallucinations that provoke an alien menace to attack them - it makes sense in context.
September 17, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide finishes its look at this two-parter. Garak must overcome his claustrophobia to help them all escape from the Dominion, while Worf impresses General Martok by getting the crap kicked out of him by the Jem'hadar.
September 15, 2011
Opinionated Doctor Who Episode Guide closes out this special look about a Cyberman invasion called, er, the Invasion. Even cartoon characters attack the Doctor this time as he tries to thwart their plans to use an evil technology company to help them conquer the world.
September 14, 2011
Opinionated Doctor Who episode Guide introduces you to Zoe, who lives on the Wheel. Cybermen show up in a lot of grainy stills to threaten the inhabitants of this space station, while in the meantime, Jamie and the Doctor have broken the Tardis.
September 13, 2011
Opinionated Doctor Who Episode Guide continues with the only fully intact Cyberman story of this era. Tomb of the Cybermen kicks off the journey of the Doctor, Jamie and Victoria as a team, only to wind up in the remnants of an old Cyberman facility with a team of archaeologists who naturally wake up the bad guys. Otherwise it wouldn't be much of a story.
September 12, 2011
Opinionated Dr. Who Episode Guide kicks off our look at the early Cybermen with The Moonbase. Before Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, the Doctor and his friends jumped around on it, then ran into his enemy at a nearby base. Special appearance by THE PHANTOM PIPER!!!
September 10, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide shows what happens when the Dukat and Founder plots collide. Garak and Worf team up to check out a distress signal from the Gamma Quadrant, while a changeling infiltrates the station, not that anyone knows.
September 8, 2011
Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide looks at the place where it all started, Caretaker. Watch rural people act rural, the bizarre tricorder fetish, and Janeway doing the opposite of what she does in every other situation, since this will make 150 people really miserable.
September 6, 2011
Opinionated Enterprise Episode Guide looks at where it started, Broken Bow. Trill to Archer arguing with Vulcans, Gumby-like aliens, and the various misfits he's been saddled with. Still, he manages to save the day thanks to the script writers being on his side.
September 5, 2011
Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide begins a four-part examination of warped reality. The crew experiences nightmares, and it's not being forced to watch season 2. Plus, more signs the universe hates Harry Kim.
September 3, 2011
Opinionated Star Trek Episode Guide heads (get it?) to a place many would like to forget. Aliens steal Spock's Brain, so the crew of the Enterprise will have to get it back. Plus, Dr. McCoy drives Spock's brainless body around just for fun.
September 1, 2011
Opinionated Trek Film Guide looks at First Contact. Picard is told to stay out of the fight with the Borg because he might be unstable. Everyone laughs. Then he meets them and becomes unstable. Nobody laughs. Plus, the drunken hero of the Federation.
August 29, 2011
An opinionated look at Farscape's "The Hidden Memory." Aeryn's saved, but now it's time to save poor Crichton from the clutches of Scorpius. Crais meets his match in Crichton's new adversary, but none of them counted on the man in the iron half-mask.
August 27, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide looks at Dr. Bashir, I Presume. Dr. Zimmerman arrives to turn Bashir into the new LMH, but to qualify, Bashir has to stop his parents from blabbing his big secret. Unfortunately, his father's kind of dim.
August 25, 2011
Opinionated Trek Film Guide looks at Star Trek Generations. Being incapable of dealing with a problem that cannot be solved with "Make it so," Picard goes to Kirk and begs him to save the day for him.
August 22, 2011
An opinionated look at Farscape's "Nerve." Aeryn is dying, so Crichton puts on his cool captain suit and tries to bluff his way into a top secret PeaceKeeper military base. No points in guessing how that plan turns out. Plus, meet Scorpius, the man who believes bondage-wear is everyday wear.
August 20, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide watches with bemusement as the vipers lurking within the Federation are revealed. Fortunately, they're no match for the most powerful force in the Federation: a Picard speech!
August 18, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide looks at the final episode of TNG. Picard is flinging forwards and backwards through time in a desperate race against the clock to confuse the audience. Also includes angry midgets in hats, crazed supervillains, Tasha Yar, and a giant glowing thing. Also, Q has a small part too.
August 17, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide presents Genesis, the one where the crew becomes animals. I can probably just stop right there, what more can I add to that? Anyway, enjoy as the makeup people get to have fun, the cast demonstrate those techniques from acting class exercises, and a likely discussion between Braga and Ron Moore over this episode.
August 15, 2011
An opinionated look at Farscape's "A Bug's Life." Peacekeepers come aboard while Crichton plays captain, and a virus soon runs amok. Also, the future of the galaxy is decided by a girl looking for something she can sell at a pawn shop.
August 13, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide continues the Dukat story. The poor schmuck has been demoted to a vessel so primitive he's hoping to upgrade to a Kia of Prey. Plus, the wonderfully robust Federation rifles.
August 11, 2011
Opinionated Trek Film Episode Guide resumes with the final voyage of the original Enterprise crew. To promote peace between the Federation and the Klingons, Starfleet sends the man they hate the most to greet them. When the chancellor is assassinated, it seems that Kirk and Bones will be just as dead as him and any hope for peace, but luckily they have a man with a metal detector and goggles to help.
August 10, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide looks at Masks. An alien archive starts transforming the Enterprise and Data begins acting odd. The only answer is to dress up like an idiot. Plus, the source of Picard's power.
August 9, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide explores the multiverse in Parallels. One member of the Enterprise crew is going through a shifting maelstrom of alternate realities, and it's the one who has anger issues and bites women on the face. Plus, crazy hobo Riker makes an appearance.
August 8, 2011
An opinionated look at Farscape's "Premiere." Criton heads out in a special craft by the generic NASA equivalent, only to wind up stuck with a bunch of prisoners on board a living ship. Negative: he's threatened by a giant and spat on by a midget. Positive: Claudia Black, nothing more need be said.
August 6, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide returns to the story of Dukat. Kira reluctantly is partnered with him to look for a lost Cardassian ship carrying Bajoran prisoners, but Dukat's looking for more than prisoners, he's looking for more of a sign that he spent only ten minutes a day standing.
August 4, 2011
Opinionated Trek Film Guide presents a special holiday look at the infamous Star Trek V. Sybok seeks a starship to go find God, so he travels to a planet where there are no starships, knowing that the plot will provide him one. Kirk does so in between acting foolishly macho and being praised by everyone around him. Uhura fan-dancing, Scotty bumping his head, and Spock's inability to say "marshmallow" properly are also there to leave you feeling empty and confused.
August 3, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide closes out the Data/Borg story, and whether that slash carries it's usual fanfic intent is open to debate. Evil Data holds Picard, Geordi, and Troi hostage while everyone else takes turns looking like yutzes. Particular highlight is the success of Beverly Crusher's captaincy, which hits its nadir by getting the ship into a mess it takes Ensign Nobody to get them out of.
August 2, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide looks at Descent, the one where the Borg run around shooting at people. Meanwhile, Data is angry, something Troi encourages, probably by making her watch some of their early episodes
August 1, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide looks at I Borg. The crew of the Enterprise find a crashed ship of their greatest enemy, and naturally nurse one of them back to health. Plus, Guinan pokes Picard with pointy things.
July 30, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide looks at The Adversary. A Federation official shows up to give Sisko a promotion, then reveals himself to be a shapeshifter. No explanation given as to whether or not the promotion still counts.
July 28, 2011
Opinionated Trek Film Guide now looks at The Voyage Home. Stuck with a Klingon Bird of Prey, our crew grimly heads for home to be courtmartialed for their actions, only to see Earth being destroyed by an unstoppable alien threat. Naturally, this film is a comedy. Whales are saved, beer is drunk, and time is made Kirk's personal bitch in this installment of the series.
July 28, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide looks at the next chapter in the Q arc, Tapestry. The artificial heart mentioned last time in Samaritan Snare breaks, and after he dies he meets Q, who suggests they spend some time being BFF, gets mocked by his dead father, and then goes back in time to screw up his life. Naturally, all that's a recipe for a classic.
July 25, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide looks at True Q. Amanda Rogers uses the powers of the Q to take control of the episode away from the others. Q shows up to smush her face into submission.
July 23, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide looks at Defiant. Transporter Clone Will Riker has joined the Maquis and stolen the Defiant, so Kirk and Dukat must figure out how to stop him. Also, Kira is taken hostage and must choose between her hatred of Cardassia and not hating Cardassia... not an easy choice.
July 21, 2011
Opinionated Trek Film Guide looks at the third installment of the film franchise. Spock is dead, and Kirk left the body behind on Genesis, so after all the time flying home they got to turn around and head right back again. Meanwhile, Christopher Lloyd wants the secret of Genesis and will snarl at as many people as he needs to get it.
July 20, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide takes off with the latest chapter in the Q arc. Q stalks Vash for a while, but has to get in line as Quark likes anyone who has money and can make him more, and Bashir likes any woman with an orifice.
July 19, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide looks at Qpid, the next chapter in the Q line and one of the silliest concepts. To show he's grateful to Picard, Q kidnaps his girlfriend and then traps Picard and his friends in a recreation of Robin Hood where any or all of them might be killed. He's funny that way.
July 18, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide takes a detour along the Q path to check out Captain's Holiday. This is the story that introduces us to Vash, the mercenary archaeologist and Picard's love interest. Thrill to the kind of action and romance not normally seen outside a PTA meeting.
July 16, 2011
Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide looks at Before & After. The one hour version of All Good Things as Kes is flying up and down her time stream to find horrifying things, like time manipulating aliens and, even worse, the Doctor's hairpiece.
July 14, 2011
Opinionated Trek Film Guide now looks in detail at Star Trek II, aka, the one where Kirk yells "KHAAAAAAANNN!!!" Khan's a bit pissed at being abandoned on a dying world and decides to break out some wrath, Melville, and phasers.
July 12, 2011
Opinionated Star Trek Episode Guide looks at the episode leading up to the next Star Trek film. The Enterprise comes across a sleeper ship containing a man named Khan from the nineties, who plans to use his ship to take over the universe, and get it on with a simpering member of Kirk's crew.
July 11, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide looks at the next chapter of the Q arc. This is the one with Q being human and the falling moon, and of course, Corbin Bernsen, back when he was still actually relevant, giving us our magic reset button.
July 10, 2011
Because some of you love him and some of you love to hate him, Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide looks at Vic's last remaining major appearance. A holodeck case of "it's not a bug, it's a feature" causes mobsters to take over Vic's holographic casino, and only our heroes can hope to rob him blind in order to set things right.
July 9, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide looks at Ezri Dax, Psychic Detective. There's a murderer on the station, and Dax is compelled to seek help from her psychotic former host to try to track him down. Plus a new and improved way of serving melons.
July 7, 2011
Opinionated Trek Film Guide looks at Star Trek: The Motion Picture, which sets whole new records for putting nothing on screen. Kirk and company must deal with the perfect human replica clone of the alien ship, which is difficult because the perfect replica speaks like a 1980's answering machine. Plus, silly Klingons, silly space stations, and even sillier uniforms.
July 6, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide looks at the follow-up to The Siege of AR-558. What's the best cure for the loss of a limb? Vegas, baby, Vegas! Who doesn't feel like singing after an amputation?
July 5, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide looks at the season seven episode that dares to stand up and say that in war, people die. In order to help defend a strategic installation, Sisko beams down with a recent academy graduate, a counselor, and a doctor to hold off against an army of super-soldiers. Also starring the boy who could just wish the Jem'hadar into the cornfield.
July 4, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide introduces Vic Fontaine. Odo embarks on a journey to win over Major Kira's heart, only to be constantly stymied by his own cowardice. Plus, several thousand musical numbers.
July 2, 2011
Opinionated Star Trek Episode Guide rings in American Independence with The Omega Glory. Confined to a post-apocalyptic world with a mad Starfleet captain, Kirk, Spock, and Bones must try not to interfere in the conflict between the Coms and the savage Yans. Bad news for the Coms: these colors don't run or bleed.
June 30, 2011
An opinionated look at the final half of the re-imagined mini-series. A crew with a retiring captain, a drunk XO, an insubordinate fighter ace, and other examples of the best and brightest of the fleet are all that's left to protect a small band of survivors of the Cylon attack, under the lead of a school teacher. What can I add to that?
June 28, 2011
An opinionated look at the first half of the twenty-first century re-imagining of Battlestar Galactica. The Galactica is about to stand down when a massive assault by the Cylons devestate the twelve colonies, all thanks to Dr. Gaius Baltar thinking with his penis.
June 25, 2011
Opinionated Star Trek Film Guide makes it big return with the small screen-styled Insurrection. Picard and company risk their careers and go to war to stop the forced relocation of some people, as opposed to in Journey's End when they were forced to relocate some people and planned to do it, but then, these people are white, after all.
June 23, 2011
Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide looks at the one where Chakotay came damn close to actually having his own episode - lucky thing they stopped that in the nick of time. Voyager stumbles across the universe's tastiest anomaly and it just so happens to contain the wreckage of a pioneer spacecraft. Naturally there is danger due to deep personal stupidity.
June 21, 2011
Opinionated B5 Episode Guide introduces us to Sebastian, the guy who has most convincingly pulled off the look of a cane and tophat. Plus, G'kar briefly does emo girl stuff, and a brief appearance by Bruce Wayne's great great great grandson.
June 19, 2011
Opinionated Doctor Who Episode Guide returns on Father's Day with the episode Father's Day (see what I did there?). Rose doesn't listen to the Doctor and winds up releasing giant bat demons who want to eat everyone to save the universe, I think. Guest-stars her dead dad.
Doctor Who :: Read
June 18, 2011
Opinionated Star Trek Episode Guide returns! Scotty gets injured by a female engineer, so everything thinks this has turned him into a misogynistic jerk who murders women just for being there. The sixties were weird.
June 17, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide turns its attention to The Royale, from the dark tight spandex era of season two. Riker, Worf, and Data are stuck in an alien recreation of a bad novel, and we the viewers are stuck in a recreation of a bad episode. Enjoy the perfectly preserved dead astronaut.
June 16, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide looks at the next chapter of the Q story. A story that combines many of the worst aspects of the first season: the over-the-top performances, shoestring budget, unintentional silliness, and a questionable moral imperative that no one bothers explaining. The difference between Picard and Janeway is that she would have tried to trick Riker into giving absolute power to her.
June 15, 2011
Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide concludes Dark Frontier. Seven is torn between a life being controlled by the Borg and a life being controlled by Janeway.
June 13, 2011
Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide continues to look at Dark Frontier. The Voyager crew launch their heist against the Borg, but they already know it's coming. Plus, baby got backstory.
June 11, 2011
Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide looks at Dark Frontier. Our heroes, the representatives of the Federation in the Delta Quadrant, decide they should perform a robbery so they can get home faster, and use the fact that it's from a bad guy to justify it. Plus, backstory!
June 10, 2011
Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide looks at One, the loneliest number that you'll ever do. Seven is left all alone to get Voyager through a deadly nebula because Janeway hates a) detours and b) Seven. So they whip up a hundred fifty or so stasis units out of thin air or Janeway's ass, whichever you think more likely.
June 9, 2011
Opinionated B5 Episode Guide learns what happens when the powerful and enigmatic Mr. Morden crosses Commander Sheridan. Answer: a threat to the entire galaxy, but would you have expected anything less. Also, the brownshirts goosestep into town.
June 8, 2011
Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide looks at the transition from Kes to Seven in The Gift. Kes transforms into a danger to herself and those around her and must leave, though there's no explanation why Neelix has been this way for years and been tolerated. Meanwhile, Janeway helps Seven feel like a member of the family by putting her in a cage and performing surgery on her against her will - pretty standard really.
June 7, 2011
Opinionated B5 Episode Guide returns with some acts of sacrifice in Acts of Sacrifice. G'kar tries to get his people on B5 to calm the hell down for five minutes so they won't keep screwing up his diplomacy. Londo drinks alone, but then, when has that become news.
June 6, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide now looks at the end of the Maquis. Eddington must team up with Sisko to stop a Maquis missile attack on Cardassia that would start a war with the Dominion (lucky thing that won't happen). Plus, Nog sinks to new depths.
June 5, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide returns to watch Sisko in For The Uniform. Concerned about violation of Starfleet principles, Sisko decides to break orders, throw lots of punches, blow things up, and gas civilians. Still, he has a nifty new comm system.
June 4, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide concludes the story of The Maquis. Gul Dukat must be found, the Maquis must be stopped, and Sisko must give a speech. Plus, tentacles and the Federation justice system in action.
June 3, 2011
Opinionated Star Trek Episode Guide returns with the second pilot, Where No Man Has Gone Before. The crew tries to leave the galaxy and accidentally turn someone into a freak of nature, but what are ya gonna do? First appearance by Kirk means first appearance of torn shirt.
June 2, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide looks at Family. For those who have wanted to see a science fiction program with sixty year old men wrestling in the mud, your day has come! Plus, Wesley's backstory is fleshed out to the utter joy of his fan.
Jun 1, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide presents part 2 of the classic. The Borg plan to overwhelm the entire Federation with just one ship and the abducted Picard, the cosmic equivalent of "Why you hitting yourself, why you hitting yourself?"
May 31, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide apologizes in advance for everyone hoping to illegally download this episode here; this is just the episode guide entry. Riker frets over his career while imminent annihilation looms, that's just his way. The return of the Borg.
May 30, 2011
Opinionated Star Trek Episode Guide returns to continue and close out our mini-theme. Because women apparently aren't allowed to captain starships in the future, Kirk's ex-girlfriend decides to prove how wrong this policy is by stealing Kirk's body and then proceeding to execute everybody who doesn't agree with her. It always sucks when the one who challenges discrimination is thoroughly incompetent for the job they're trying to get.
May 29, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide looks at Where No One Has Gone Before, which has almost nothing to do with Where No Man Has Gone Before. A registered sex offender throws the Enterprise around the cosmos thanks to the power of thought, but gives all the credit to Dr. Kroeger.
May 28, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide looks at the first half of The Maquis, where people in the De-militizired Zone decide to get militirized. Stars Dukat, Bernie Casey, and Dax's sex life.
May 26, 2011
The Dark Knight is the story of an angry orphan who beats people up while dressing up in costumes, and in this case, getting into a fight with a clown. Surprisingly, it's far more popular than it sounds.
May 25, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide returns reluctantly to season one. As the crew gets plastered by a collapsing star, we explore Geordi's sexuality, the future of the Soviet Union, and why Wesley is synonymous with "dickhead."
May 24, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide continues the look at the second half of the pilot, where alien beings cover Sisko with their white secretions. Meanwhile, everyone else tries to keep from surrendering the station the moment Sisko is gone... they succeed, but only just.
May 23, 2011
Opinionated DS9 Episode Guide heads back to the beginning. A bald-faced Sisko grumpily takes command of DS9 and attempts to go an entire day without an old lady grabbing his ear. He fails, but at least he pisses off Picard.
May 22, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide looks at where it began with Encounter At Far Point, aka thirty minutes of show stretched into an hour. An inscrutable alien named Q shows up to challenge the new crew, and only the might of their overacting has a chance of thwarting his various costumes. Plus, the first appearance of our official mascot: midget with a cowbell.
May 21, 2011
Opinionated Star Trek Episode Guide looks at a flashback to Kirk's early life when he was one of the survivors of Kodos the Executioner. In the present, he hits on what he thinks is the man's daughter because, hell, he's Kirk.
May 20, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide looks at a season two episode that managed not to suck. To compensate for that, we meet the most unlikable man in Starfleet. Plus, Picard gets dissed.
May 19, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide looks at Samaritan Snare -a season two episode- that came right after Q Who introduced us to the Borg, and follows it up with the somewhat less successful Pakleds, who manage to kidnap Geordi and embarrass the crew despite being too stupid to operate a vending machine. Also, Picard is trapped with Wesley on a shuttle as he goes to get his artificial heart replaced.
May 18, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide returns with the follow up to the abysmal The Neutral Zone. Q gets pissy with Picard and throws them into Borg space just because he's horribly bitter.
May 17, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide continues its bizarre theme of Picard and saddles. Data raises Prime Directive issues and Riker must deal with Wesley's constant pestering. We return to season 2 in celebration of Columbus Day, the official holiday of our patron saint: Joe Piscopo!
May 16, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide heads into the joyless zone known as The Outrageous Okona. Romeo And Juliet minus anything actually interesting happening, and introducing Captain Okona, interstellar pizza delivery man and lover of toes. Plus, the funniest performing in human history is revealed to be Joe Piscopo.
May 14, 2011
As work on the new website continues, and the fallout from the Youtube issues settles, I have added all the existing reviews on to here as a temporary measure until the permanent redesign is complete. Today's update is The Child, I'm sorry to say.
May 13, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide looks at an episode that's supposed to be about re-introducing a classic villain and setting the stage for a new threat to the Federation. Instead we spend most of the story on three one-shot characters with nothing to do with the plot and tons and tons of propaganda. I'll bet someone at Paramount actually cried when the Berlin Wall fell.
May 7, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide looks at Masks. An alien archive starts transforming the Enterprise and Data begins acting odd. The only answer is to dress up like an idiot. Plus, the source of Picard's power.
April 23, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide explores the multiverse in Parallels. One member of the Enterprise crew is going through a shifting maelstrom of alternate realities, and it's the one who has anger issues and bites women on the face. Plus, crazy hobo Riker makes an appearance.
April 21, 2011
Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide returns with Starship Mine, Snakes On A Plane without the snakes or the vulgarities. While all the crew but Picard are away, criminals try to steal stuff from the Enterprise, but the fools brought a gun to a saddle fight.
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