Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide now looks at the first of this two-parter I've decided to call "Neelix is a dick." This chapter is Twisted, by Kenneth "Hack" Biller, who challenges Threshold title of worst Voyager episode with a story that takes what might have been an okay concept and manages to suck all possible interest out of it. Cliche, annoying, or stupid at any given minute within the episode, it should be shown to all aspiring students with the tag "here's how not to do it."

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide celebrates Thanksgiving the only way possible, by looking at how Trek did the worst thing to American Indians that didn't involve bullets or small pox. If you think this is Piller and/or Voyager at their best, you may want to shy away, as no punch is pulled this week.

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Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide looks at the next chapter of the Q story. A story that combines many of the worst aspects of the first season: the over-the-top performances, shoestring budget, unintentional silliness, and a questionable moral imperative that no one bothers explaining. The difference between Picard and Janeway is that she would have tried to trick Riker into giving absolute power to her.

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Opinionated Enterprise Episode Guide now examines Unexpected, also known as, "The one where we see just how idiotic Berman and Braga really are." Frankly I could have gone off for another five minutes on some of the crap in here I've touched on already. Kirk is known the world over for being a ladies' man, but imagine if he went up to the green women and got them to go down on him by calling it a traditional sign of friendship - he wouldn't be the hero of the future, he'd be the creepy f**ker that didn't recover until he did the Priceline commercials. Star Trek in the hands of these two yahoos was like leaving your baby with two stoned guys who own a catapult, you should already know it's only going to end in tears.

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide now looks at Tuvix, where Tuvok and Neelix are merged into a single being. For some reason, rather than going on a killing spree, he learns to play pool and hangs art, but can Janeway bring herself to kill him when a cure is found? Ha ha, you already know the answer to that softball question! Also includes a bonus video.

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Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide presents two horrible things in this segment: the closing half of the pilot, and my atrocious Picard impression, for which I apologize in advance. Sadly, the second part is even worse than the first. Special bonus: Trek elements that stopped here or didn't even make it this far.

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We kick off Opinionated Next Gen Episode Guide and the Q arc (which ties into Voyager and is the reason I'm doing this) with where it all began, and it did not begin well. EaF is an awful story with a lot of the characters acting like insufferable dolts - no wonder John de Lancie stood out for his performance of Q. So enjoy, but I do admit, this review could use a little more cowbell.

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Opinionated Enterprise Episode Guide looks at Strange New World, which shows us once again that these nimrods have no business out here, at least until they get their act together. Enjoy the historic arrival on a new planet: that's one small step for a man, one giant leap for white trash.

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide looks at Resistance, where we discover yet another problem of the week Voyager will suffer and never see again. In this review you will learn the one true thing that can conquer any evil force no matter how powerful it is. Plus, the problem with evil overlords with low headcount for middle management.

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide now looks at Heroes And Demons, a story about how just how idiotic our crew really is. I know I've alluded to that before, but in this episode they show all the intuition and deductive skills you see in an average episode of Hee Haw. Enjoy the sight of Harry dressed in clothing that screams "I will always be a pathetic little ensign."

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Opinionated Enterprise Episode Guide looks at the first post-pilot episode, and things actually manage to get worse. We discover that Captain Archer is insane and that his crew is populated with bizarre phobias and fetishes. Plus, your one shot unstoppable alien menace of the week.

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide returns with a mid first season episode, Prime Factors. This little ditty repeatedly reminds us that Harry is a pathetic loser in every possible way, but at least he's a snappy dresser. It also features yet another chance to get home that fails miserably.

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Opinionated Enterprise Episode Guide finally finishes off the pilot. In this we see the typical Enterprise laziness and extreme stupidity of all involved, from the pod mission to the ion storm to "hull plating is off line." Sadly, while the pilot is over, the series is only just beginning...

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Opinionated Enterprise Episode Guide looks at the middle portion of the pilot, where things just kind of slide into the absurd. Here you will discover why every - single - person in the crew is completely incompetent.

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Opinionated Enterprise Episode Guide looks at where it started, in Broken Bow. Thrill to Archer arguing with Vulcans, Gumby-like aliens, and the various misfits that make up this sad, sad crew of losers.

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide closes the door on Basics, the Kazon, and a few other characters too. The crew must retake Voyager from the incredibly ugly, smelly, and stupid Kazon, who are propped up solely by Seska, since their leader's an idiot. Also enjoy Chakotay's magic lava abilities.

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide's second look at the Basics cliffhanger. In this installment you will no doubt notice my intense anti-Neelix sentiment - well, it's fully deserved. This is his moment to shine and he chokes big time. Given everything that happens because of him, he's lucky the most that happens is being mocked by me. Anyway, the Voyager crew is shoved off onto a barren planet and forced to survive on their own while the Kazon make off with Voyager.

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The first of three reviews looking at this closing up of the Kazon story arc. Seska's Rube Goldberg plan to take Voyager through the use of a child made from Chakotay's DNA is now in place, but will the idiot Cullah get in the way? Plus, the return of Grima Wormtongue.

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide examines Ex Post Facto, possibly the most pathetic mystery episode in all of Trek. All the birds down in Whoville, the tall and the small, think Tom Paris a murderer, and he's taking the fall. Can Tuvok, the Vulcan, a logical man, save Paris and stop Paul Simon's vile plan?

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide takes a little break from the Kazon story arc to look at Deadlock, another Brannon Braga script, done in a standard Brannon Braga manner. Voyager gets duplicated in a technowhatsis field and Vidiians show up. Plus the longest human pregnancy ever.

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide closes out this chapter of the Kazon story arc with Investigations, an absurd piece with an absurd plot resolving Janeway's absurd plan. The Michael Jonas plot reaches its climax in the most lackluster manner possible - enjoy.

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Everything you need to get from Alliances to Investigations in one easy video. This review provides brief looks at Threshold, Meld, Dreadnaught, and Life Signs, and specifically the involvement of Michael Jonas and Tom Paris.

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide continues the Kazon story arc with Alliances, where for just a small moment they actually consider thinking outside the box before hastily running back inside it.
It's about a minute shorter than usual; I'm still recovering from the damage SP3 did to my computer. On the plus side, it finally forced me to re-edit the title sequence to give it a little better pacing.

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide answers the request and does a good episode, though "good" doesn't mean a) it's going to be straightforward, and b) I still won't make fun of things. It's my way of striking back at a world that's wronged me once too often. The Thaw is about how messed up Harry's subconscious is - enjoy.

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide looks at the third episode of the Kazon arc. In this case, Seska is helping the Kazon somehow beat up on Voyager, in a way that only makes sense if you assume everyone's too dumb to put their pants on the right way 'round. Also, enjoy the stupid needle gag.

Apologies for the thirty seconds or so where I sound like I'm recording in a bathroom; I needed to redub a scene and could only find my old microphone.

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide looks at the second Kazon story, Initiations. For this, we've gone from the odd fur-granny blanket costumes to the "stuff I found in a dumpster" costumes. Written by Kenneth Biller, master of producing godawful episodes, this is a bad one even by those standards. Nog plays a Kazon who tries to kill Chakotay, and so we get to see the Kazon act like they're intimidating while failing horribly, like the chicken hawk from those Foghorn Leghorn shorts.

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide begins the Kazon story with State of Flux. The typical Voyager things happen: Neelix tries to make himself a god, people get shot with no side effects, and Janeway decides to mess with her crew's head by assigning them silly jobs. Plus, Seska tells it like it is.

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide examines the second episode, Parallax, which is almost adorable in its awfulness. They need to pick a new chief engineer, so the battle between Torres and Carey is on, all while Voyager has to deal with a mean ole' black hole. Plus, Janeway decides this week she'll make Tom Paris' life miserable at every opportunity, and Neelix does unnatural things with vegetables.

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The final half of Caretaker, where we meet the Kazon (bad) and Neelix (worse). Janeway strands her crew and a group of civilians, and all doing something that is completely inconsistent with her behavior, oh, two episodes from now.

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide looks at the place where it all started, Caretaker. Watch Janeway's approach to a problem, rural people acting rural, and the bizarre tricorder fetish.

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide looks at Elogium. This episode gives us a greater insight into the Ocampan physiology, namely that a species this messed up can only be the result of a supreme being with a twisted sense of humor. Be warned that you will learn things man was not ken to know as we look at Voyager's sex life. An episode so bad it border on being unwatchable.

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Before I begin, let me just say that's not my real laugh, it's just an imitation of the desperate laugh of an abused toady.
Anyway, Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide takes a look at Cathexis, another Brannon Braga episode. I haven't been deliberately seeking out Brannon Braga stuff to bash, he just wrote so many of the episodes -and so many bad stories- that it's hard not to hit a Braga script. This one is about a member of the crew being taken over by an alien, a plot that has been done so many times its cliche, but don't worry, we'll also swipe some stuff from the TNG one where Picard's disembodied consciousness slips through the ship and makes a P appear. We also see some frightening things about how the ship is constantly scanning your brain and everyone wanting to do a scan likely to cause them to bleed from the ears. Oh, and see how Voyager cleverly responds to threats by hampering their ability to do their job.

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide looks at Non Sequitur, a Harry episode. Naturally, it's about how pathetic poor Harry. My meanest take on Brannon Braga yet. Anyway, enjoy as Harry is re-united with his one true love... Libby, dammit! Because this episode is NOT gay!

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide looks at The Cloud, an episode where everyone tries really, really hard to overcome just how awful the story at the heart of this episode is. They fail, but they tried, they really did. Voyager is low on fuel, so they kick the ass of a living cloud for a bit while Harry and Tom keep the holodeck running into the wee hours. Plus, explaining what a voodoo shark is.

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Prototype is the story of a broken robot, and how Torres must fix it. With as gripping as an idea as watching someone try to fix a broken machine, naturally we spend huge amounts of time with Torres spewing technobabble and waving props around. The only time I never bothered with a script because, frankly, there's nothing to say - welcome to the land of padding. Oh, as an aside, I'm not sure what happens when the video gets processed, but the audio for the music is awful compared to what it was on my system; sorry about that, but I'm not sure there's anything I could do.

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide looks at one of the first of many episodes that messed with causality and time travel and other stuff Trek does when they have no idea what to do this week. Janeway and Tom dress in horrible costumes and then frighten small children before letting a planet get blown up. Apology in advance for two things: first, I had a cold, and on reviewing I can see that cough syrup was really doing a number on me. Second, yeah, the rant runs a little long. Sorry folks, but, well, I say right up front I'm opinionated. At least stick with it for the blessed aluminum stick scene.

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide looks at Phage, aka, the one where Neelix's lungs are stolen. Watch Janeway's idea of justice in action, Paris get slapped around, and a 24th century shriner. Plus, Lollipop.

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In this week's video review, we look at a plot that boldy goes nowhere. Amelia Earhart is, after much build-up, brought into the story for no damn reason. Plus, Brannon Braga's "ancient" fetish reaches ridiculous extremes, and Tom does the impossible: he starts a Ford on the first try.

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Opinionated Voyager Episode Guide has gone video in addition to the regular weekly updates. Today's offering from the wayback machine is Emanations by Brannon Braga, featuring one of the many dozens of times that Harry dies. Watch Chakotay act smugly, big foreheaded aliens talk to each other, and more cotton candy-covered corpses than you ever wanted to see.

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