OVEG: Cathexis

Description: The episode opens, and it immediately brings two thoughts to mind. The first is, why does the Star Trek crew insist that anything before the twentieth century would be considered "ancient" a few centuries from now? This is the second time now that I can recall of the nineteenth century called "ancient," first the "Ancient West" in A Fistful Of Datas and this being "Ancient England" in Cathexis. Just how the hell would you refer to the time of King Henry, or the Norman invasion if "ancient" is already reserved for events nearly a millennia later? We reserve "ancient" to refer to thing that occurred well over a thousand years ago (closer to two, really), with a middle period referred to in between for clarity. Call something "Ancient England" and the picture that comes to mind is Celts fighting Romans, not Victorian houses and corsets. Well, I did a little digging, and yes, both "ancient" scripts were done, in whole or in part, by one Brannon Braga.

Look, I don't sit around trying to think of new ways to bash Braga; I have no personal ire for the man. I know bashing him has become so commonplace it's practically cliche, and yet... well, here it is. He's not responsible for everything wrong with Voyager (the idiocy of Heroes And Demons was almost certainly someone else's fault), but it does seem that every time his name shows up in the writing credits the show takes a nose-dive. He wrote the script for Paralax and Phage, and he wrote the story for the Cloud, and both for Emanations and this one. Of those, Phage was the only one that wasn't bad... and that banked primarily on the morbidity factor. I don't know, maybe he was tapped out on this, getting Next Generation shut down, doing the movies, maybe he just didn't have it to do all the stuff he was doing and still write the stories. I'm not trying to burn him in effigy here, but an objective look says that he utterly failed to deliver anything noteworthy this entire season... the very best that came through was bland.

However, as part of my credit where it's due thing, I'll point out that he seems to be the only one to remember that Voyager is alone out here without means to refuel and rearm. The rest of the stories for the most part could be tweaked to easily have been Next Generation alpha quadrant stories without a problem... excluding the getting home stories, obviously. But since there's no real episode to episode continuity on that issue, then it really doesn't matter. It's absurd that there's a crippling power shortage one episode with no resolution, and the next there's no shortage at all. It's essentially what makes Voyager so pathetic is that there's a total lack of logic to it, and in science fiction, the absense of logic emphasizes the absence of logic in the premises necessary to make the show work.

The "Ancient England" reference here comes from Janeway being in a holonovel. It lasts several minutes and neither moves the story forward, nor shows insight into Janeway's character, nor is it entertaining. In other words, it occupies several minutes of air time... that's it. It will be picked up again in the season finale (again as a filling of air time) which is the most pathetic aspect of the entire Trek franchise, and I say that with absolute sincerity. We can't have episode to episode continuity of plot arcs or character arcs, but we can have episode to episode continuity of the frickin' holodeck sub-plots?! That's the most bass-ackwards prioritization possible! It does nothing to advance the story of Voyager or of the characters, and what's more, has nothing to do with Star Trek itself! If I wanted Jane f*ckin Austen stories, I'd watch stuff based on Jane f*cking Austen, not a show that's supposed to be about exploring the galaxy. So your only continuity is stuff that has nothing to do with the premise of the show we're watching!

Thanks to all this holo-bullshit, by the way, the teaser runs so long that we will pick up the actual episode at the seven minute mark.

If you want completeness, well, here's what happens: Janeway's playing a new governess, and she mixes it up verbally with the lady who runs the household. She's given tea, because this is England, you see, and by official television law all British people must be infatuated with tea. She then meets the owner, Lord Burleigh, with a pair of mutton chops that would frighten even Isaac Asimov. He struts about like this is dinner theater, then instructs Janeway that she is never to go on the fourth floor, which is rather surprising; a five-story Victorian era mansion doesn't sound practical, or likely. Then again, what else is new... Anyway, the whole scene is pointless, but at least it balances this out by being tedious and banal. This is the second thing I was wondering about: if the Star Trek writers want to do this stuff, why are they doing it on Star Trek and not on a different show or medium? It's like the Fair Haven stuff we're going to get later on - if I was interested in that kind of stuff, I'd watch that show each week, not this one.

Tuvok and Chakotay are coming back from a shuttle run together, and something went wrong. Tuvok's out cold and Chakotay is brain dead (nah, too easy). Tuvok says that there was an attack by an alien ship that came out of a dark matter nebula, and that there was some kind of energy discharge that knocked them both out. The Doctor says that if they can find the weapon that hit them maybe they can save Chakotay's brain... *snicker* Janeway has them fly towards the dark matter nebula, but the ship changes course on the way there. Paris said he didn't do it, but the readings say that his console did it. Janeway tells him to run a diagnostic to see if it's malfunctioning or just, ya know, evil or something.

Down in Sickbay, Torres is performing a rite on Chakotay involving sticking stones onto an animal skin to help him find his way back. The Doctor points out that Torres has made a mistake by putting the Coyote Stone in the wrong place, diverting Chakotay's soul into the Mountain of the Antelope Women, from which Chakotay may not want to leave (Chakotay's a furry, ya see). He says it probably won't be much help, because there's not enough of his brain to work with... and of course, there's the fact that it's stupid. I mean, if Torres had her hands on his head screaming "DE-mons be GONE!" I'd call that stupid too, so don't think I'm going to give this mumbo-jumbo a pass, especially since it's made up mumbo-jumbo, as usual. The medicine wheel comes from a completely different part of the continent for one thing... and for another, magnets weren't involved.

As if the scene couldn't get any more silly, the traditional Star Trek music fades into an American Indian flute bit right out of a western. Instead of sounding mystical or inspiring, it made me laugh... which is a shame, really. They didn't ask for their cultures to be homogenized through a PC filter for this show. I'm not kidding when I say that Voyager really has made me more socially conscious regarding American Indians, though it's only because the sight of Trek bastardizing them has raised sympathy, not empathy. Chakotay is a late twentieth century Tonto, just with a PC wrapping.

Meanwhile, Kes picks up a presence with her psychic powers (remember that she sometimes has psychic powers, depending on the needs of the script). She does the foolish thing and confides in Neelix, who is, naturally, a shithead about it. While this non-drama is taking place Voyager changes course again, with the change of command coming from the navigational control room. It turns out Paris was just in there, but he only remembers walking by it. Poor dumb Harr- er, Tom. Janeway sends him down to Sickbay to get his brain scanned, where he reminisces about "Good old Doc Brown," which he goes on about. "Doc Brown. Lollipops in the waiting room, no holo-comic books more than six months old, house calls." Time-traveling DeLorean out back...

Tuvok comes in and the Doctor says that Tom seems fine, but all is not right here. Tom's DNA was found in there, which really sounds rather icky, and yet, so characteristically Tom Paris. Tom still remembers nothing about it which means that either he's been framed, suffering a memory lapse, or it wasn't one of his more memorable performances. Back on the bridge, Tuvok and Janeway plot a course to follow the ship, but the warp core goes off line. This time Tom didn't do anything -icky or otherwise- but rather Torres (who took the ship off line, not the... you know... the other thing... goddammit). In Sickbay, the Doctor shows some interesting anomalies in Tom and Torres' memory engrams from the last twenty-four hours, showing changes in their brainwaves that shows signs of a second mind momentarily taking control of their minds. That's horrifying, but not as horrifying as knowing that the ship is constantly recording the brain wave patterns of every member of the crew... that's just really creepy. Are there webcams in the toilet too? No wonder the joking monniker "USS Voyeur" was applied by Tom to the ship.

Tuvok immediately speculates that an alien returned with them on board the shuttlecraft and orders a security alert, which causes the red alert lights to come on, which I guess means Tuvok just declared martial law. Janeway says that it can take over any one of them, but the Doctor points out that it can't affect him. Janeway decides to hand over all command codes to him, so that he can stop them from harming themselves if the alien takes over. Of course, he's not allowed to do so when they harm themselves in the normal course of their daily stupidity and constant self-destructive efforts that stem from the certainty that their captain has condemned them to living purgatory.

As they leave Kes comes running up, explaining about her visions to someone who might actually give a damn. As she discusses it, we see a POV of something flying around down the hallway. Tuvok suggests that he do a mind-meld on Kes to help her focus her abilities. However, they are found knocked out in a turbolift not long after, and now Kes is in a coma. They realize things are now serious enough to bring it to the magic meeting room. However, because it's a clearly ominous situation, the lights are dimmed, because nothing puts people on alert like having them bump into things. Paris says that the magneton scanner could maybe find the alien, but it'd be too slow, so Torres says they should do a flash with every single sensor all at once. That just sounds really dangerous. "Those of us whose eyeballs don't melt from their sockets will most likely give birth to goldfish over the next month."

Next comes one of those typical "happens in Trek but not in real life" moments, where Harry gets asked a question, and he doesn't respond; indeed, he acts completely immobile. He later says that he was thinking about magnetons and got distracted, and apparently that's supposed to be what we accept. I don't buy it; unless Harry's also in a coma, he should have snapped out of it before Tuvok pointed a phaser at him. They're trying to send the message that the crew's unnecessarily jumpy, but the way it's portrayed Harry's got ADD that would make Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes look anal-retentive. I'd have shot him anyway on principle.

Oh, and cut to Sickbay, where Neelix is going on about people he suspects of being possessed by the alien. It is an overplayed scene including the standard "are you with them" bit that comes across as being so hackneyed it should end with Grandpa Simpson on a motorcycle saying "I'm heading down to Lollapalooza!" In universe, it's the expected, and thus earns the Stupid Neelix Moment for this episode. He soon leaves after giving the Doctor a creepy embrace, and Tuvok comes in. Thankfully, he doesn't hug the Doctor; he's there to adjust the sensors for the magneton scan that'll render everyone sterile and possibly grow a third eye. The Doctor comments about the contusions on Kes' neck and shoulder, which he says are almost certainly a physical assault rather than an electrical discharge. Huh, wonder what that could possibly mean.

Tuvok shows up in Janeway's ready room and announces that they're ready for the scan, and then proceeds to list how it will mess up the crew. Man, it just sounds so unsafe. He tells about Kes' injuries, and Janeway wonders if Tuvok may have done it under alien influence. They contact the Doctor to scan him, but it turns out the Doc's off line and can't be brought back online. This is another typically Voyager scene, in that it wants to be one thing, yet its content is clearly in conflict with it. We are shown the paranoia and mistrust that exists even between the captain and Tuvok... which explains why she would so easily give him half of the command codes to running the ship.

Janeway heads out onto the bridge with Tuvok and fills everyone in on the plan. However, halfway through she's possessed and beats Tuvok's ass. Before she can blast him Paris whips out his phaser and knocks her to the floor with a stun blast, then the crew gathers round her and begins kicking her unconscious form while laughing with maniacal glee at the plight of their tormentor... well, no, but that's what should have followed. What actually happens is... is so typically Voyager once again. In a scene that is meant to be exciting or terrifying, instead the result is hilarity as crew members are taken over one by one and try to shoot poor Tuvok. Tuvok finally blasts everyone in the room with a wide-beam stun setting as the Starfleet equivalent of "kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out," winning the Best Moment of this episode.

After the carnage, Janeway is called to Engineering by Torres, who says that she was able to reconstruct the sensor logs and says they don't back up with Tuvok said. There was no ship, and what's more, the logs were erased and the thing blown up to cover it up. This means Tuvok's been lying the whole time. Janeway decides to let Tuvok lead them in anyway... I'll be generous and assume it was because she was testing him. However, before too long Paris comes in; he's completed the Doctor's examination of Kes and...

And we hit a close second for Best Moment, because at this point Brannon Braga actually dubs the maneuver where a Vulcan renders someone unconscious as the "Vulcan neck pinch."

...

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Oh God... that's fantastic. Of all the names to adopt, they pick the one used to parody it. In a show which loves technobabble, they couldn't come up with a name that didn't sound absurd? Even "Vulcan nerve pinch" sounds better.

Janeway confronts Tuvok on the bridge, pointing out that the alien keeps going after Tuvok, and that he's full of crap on the whole ship thing because his technobullshit is missing the technobullshit. Tuvok pulls a phaser and takes control of the bridge, taking them into the nebula. There's signs of energy beings outside. They eat neural energy, you see, since that's so prevalent in nebulas... er, or not, I guess. Down below, Torres is taken over and ejects the warp core. Janeway notes that Torres doesn't have the authority to eject the warp core, so she asks the computer who authorized it, and it was Chakotay.

Yawn.

The "alien's" choice to only stop Voyager using non-harful means, after it had already done what it did to the two on the shuttle didn't make a lick of sense. When they talked about Chakotay's mind being gone, it was obvious this was a repeat of yet another Season 1 TNG bit (where Picard's disembodied mind runs about the ship). But what makes this even worse is that Chakotay has had ample opportunity to communicate with the crew and hasn't done so... and there is absolutely no reason for him not to except that it would interfere with the plot! If Chakotay can get people to push buttons, he can get them to type out a simple message telling them who he is and not to go into the nebula. In the TNG episode in question, Picard got the message across just by putting up the letter P... surely even Voyager's crew can put this one together.

Janeway hits the button to turn on the magneton scanner, and Tuvok gets dizzy enough for Paris to yank the phaser away. The alien leaves the ship, but the others are still attacking, and Paris says he can't find a way out because the sensors are blinded by the electromagnetic radiation. That's stupid on so many levels I'm not even going to bother with it. They discuss ways of finding their way out... nobody seems interested in picking up the ejected warp core. Eh, not like they need it or anything. Chakotay takes over Neelix and has him rearrange the stones on the medicine wheel to create a map of the way out. What makes this even dumber than it sounds (and yes, I realize that's hard to imagine) is that the wheel has only eight positions plus the ones in the middle. In other words, it's like trying to make a map out of a tic-tac-toe board using X's and O's. And if Chakotay can make them change course and eject the apparently unnecessary warp core, why doesn't he just take over someone and plot the course out into the computer? Obviously, only because it further serves the plot, and again, so typically Voyager. The story assumes that the viewers are too stupid to see the glaring holes in the plot.

They get out and the captain's log informs us that they've gone and picked up the warp core, which of course doesn't fit what we saw happen, but we've got to reset somehow. God forbid we should re-write the script so that it makes sense. The Doctor puts Chakotay's brain back, so that all is well again.

Rating: 3

Ancient Chinese Secret, Huh?: Victorian Era England is considered ancient.

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