OVEG: Maneuvers

Description: Welcome to another Kenneth Biller script. For those of you keeping score at home, this is the same man who gave us this season's Twisted and Initiations, and if you recall how well those went over, you know it might just be best to turn back now. For those of you who aren't sure, let me just say that the episode begins with the "I had you right where I wanted you" bit, where Chakotay and Torres have their hoverball game interrupted, with Chakotay behind 19-7. Compared to the surprise party, that is a step up, I suppose...

It turns out there's a signal; Voyager is being hailed by a beacon broadcasting a Federation hail. That ends the teaser. I'll give them this, that is a good teaser, getting the hooks in right away. I'll also say that, despite what I said in the first paragraph, Biller does deliver a better story overall. The problem is that he remains his own worst enemy; the story keeps hitting brick walls, because he needs certain things to happen, except that those things are impossible. It comes across like a magician who while doing the trick makes it obvious how the trick is being done, sucking all the potential interest out of it because all you can think is that if it was done right, you wouldn't see through the illusion.

Let's take the probe, for example. They scan the frequency and Tuvok says the security code is one that was not scheduled to be implemented until a month after Voyager left. So you're left scratching your head wondering how Tuvok could possibly know that, unless Starfleet gives out the codes far in advance of when they plan to use them, which sounds like an odd way to keep things secure, as anyone who breaches security knows the code now, and what the code is going to be. This is, of course, assuming the best possible scenario; it's possible the probe is actually telling them this, in which case the crew is stupider than even I think, and I sometimes wonder how they can drink a glass of water without drowning. They fly to the probe, but it's inside a cloud that's interfering with sensors, so Janeway decides to tractor it in.

And then, well, this is where the story undermines itself. Just when Voyager is about to start a Kazon ship fires at them from inside the cloud. Apparently it's easier to see out of the cloud than to see into it. Voyager gets shot many times before Janeway tries to hail them (employing the tactic seen in Initiations again, called "kick my ass for a while, please"). When they respond only by blasting them some more Voyager tries to run, but the next shot knocks the warp engines off line, thus leaving Voyager with No Choice But To Defend Ourselves. Yeah, well, the problem with all this is that the Voyager crew looks like a bunch of doofuses. First, this was obviously a trap, and what's more a very clever one (getting the codes and such and knowing how to send out something that's going to look authentic even though it's well beyond Kazon abilities); these people are not casual raiders or confused, they went to a great deal of trouble to initiate this attack. Waiting for the diplomatic solution while they're continuing to kick your ass after the ambush is asinine. This whole scene would have gone over much better if the first volley had hit the nacelle while the shields were down, forcing them to stay, then we could have not only jumped straight into the action, but it also would have emphasized just how well thought out this plan was. Instead the plan hinged on Voyager's stupidity, and while that's something you can normally take to the bank, it's still not something that convinces me they're all that clever.

They're blasting a growing hole into the side of one of the shields; I'm not sure how that's possible, but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. Then we find out that the Kazons are constantly changing their weapons to match Voyager's shields to keep up the bombardment. "How the hell can they do that?" Janeway asks, and it's a good question... one the episode never solves. What's more, in a later battle, the Kazon don't bother doing that trick a second time, even though the situation is desperate. In other words, they can do it only because the script demands it! There's no actual reason it's possible, it's just something that's supposed to show how badass these Kazon are and to move the plot forward. But how badass are you if you have a one shot ability that is never explained and never is shown again? It would be like in the middle of a fist fight Tom Paris shoots laser beams from his eyes, and then it's never done or commented on again.

Incidentally, this is the nicest explanation; the one implied by the episode is even worse. Chakotay comments "It's like they know our access codes!" Is Biller seriously suggesting that Seska (sorry to give it away early, but it's obvious that the Kazon -who if they ever had a clever thought it died of loneliness- aren't behind this) is using codes she got from Voyager before leaving, and no one thought to change them? That a spy, saboteur, and traitor had duped them for months, and no one thought to change things on the safe side? Like I said, even I don't think they're that stupid.

Now, it's a pity that these bits of utter stupidity are there, because they undermine what is for the most part a tense battle scene (that, and the fact that someone lets loose with a smoke machine on the bridge when there's a breach decks below... what the hell?). In the midst of all this, the Kazon have launched a shuttle that's essentially a knife with engines on it that flies at Voyager so hard it cuts right into the hull, allowing the Kazon inside to climb out and run through the ship (they've landed in Cargo Bay 2, so they've either come to steal technology, or they're time travelers hoping for a chance to catch Seven in the shower). This also shows why it's so damn stupid to have your chief of security serve as your tactical officer, because now in the middle of a battle with an alien ship he's got to leave to go deal with the boarding parties. Of course, he kind of sucks at that. "Drop your weapons," he says when he ambushes them, because God forbid he should fire first even with the f*cking stun setting! One wonders if George Lucas, watching this, said to himself, "Yeah, good point, Tuvok. Han should really let Greedo fire first."

As if there weren't enough reasons to hate Voyager.

The Kazon head into the transporter room, steal a transporter module, and beam themselves out (I guess the secondary quadruple back-up or something made it possible). As soon as it's finished doing that, all transporter power is lost, making it impossible to beam the transport module back. I guess this affects all the transporter rooms too? See, the episode keeps tripping over its own feet, if something needs to happen, it just happens, without need for an explanation. And the Writer sayeth unto the firmament, "Let there be a hokey plot convenience, and lo I sayeth it will be a curse upon Voyager and all the people who dwell within, and they shall surely feeleth like a collection of jackasses."

Now that that's done, Voyager locks the Kazon ship in place with a tractor beam, then gets hailed by them, which turns out to be Culluh from State of Flux; at least we've got some continuity in Voyager that's more than Caretaker. To everyone's surprise (because they're stupid) Seska appears. She's turned herself back into a Cardassian; not bad looking either as far as their kind goes. Seska taunts Chakotay a little, then disables their tractor beam and flies off.

They discuss the technobabble on how to get the Kazon shuttle out of the side of the ship so they can persue the Kazon, which prompts Neelix to wonder why they should bother. Janeway explains to shithead why giving the Kazon access to transport technology is a Very Bad Thing, winning him the Stupid Neelix Moment for being truly idiotic. Chakotay follows up by saying that it looks like Seska's set up another trap, because there's a trail making it easy to follow her, and after making them look like complete jackasses it's unlikely she'd make that kind of mistake. Tuvok suggests that Chakotay might be able to use his intimate knowledge of Seska to manipulate her in the same way she manipulated them, prompting Chakotay to give him a look like he was the biggest asshole in the universe.

On the Kazon ship, Culluh is giving the hard sell to another Kazon on why they need to combine forces and take down Voyager. Back on Voyager, Torres is giving a technobabble description of this device she has, which looks like a a microphone with a clown nose on the end. Chakotay trumps her silly device with an even more technobabbled idea involving anti-proton beams (after all these years, I'm starting to wonder what the hell a series of anti-protons are going to do that doesn't involve blowing shit up). The upshot is that he'll have to get in really close to use it, and Chakotay will have to figure out how to do that. They start talking about Seska; Chakotay feels like a complete douche for not seeing through her. Unfortunately, this all involves more of the patented Kenneth "A Man Does Not Own Land" Biller scripting, so the scene sounds exactly like television dialogue, not a conversation.

Ah, back to the Klingo'a. The other Kazon starts making fun of Culluh, until finally guns are drawn, so Seska has to intervene and convince them not to kill each other. However, it's just a delay; we soon find the two opposing Kazon dead, beamed alive into space. You know, this is a woman after my own heart.

Well, the matter is serious, so it's off to the magic meeting room. However, it seems Chakotay is missing... Turns out he swiped a shuttle and is heading there on his own. "What I want to know, Mister Tuvok," Janeway says, "is how he was able to get a shuttlecraft off this ship without either of us knowing about it." Oh please, everyone and his uncle can swipe a shuttle off Voyager; Tom Paris runs a tourist business on the side. Janeway is absolutely furious about this, and finds out that Chakotay has a three hour head start. Quickly she leaps into action and contacts Paris, telling him to follow Chakotay at maximum war- er, maximum impulse? Um, okay... I suppose we wouldn't want to actually catch up with him.

Meanwhile, Seska is plotting with Culluh. He's stupid, being a Kazon and all, but it's interesting to watch Seska manipulate him. Unfortunately for her, we discover that the Kazon view females as second class citizens, so she only really has power through him. We find out that she sent messages to three weak Kazon sects to align with Culluh so that together they can plunder Voyager and eventually overpower the other sects. At first pissed, Culluh chews her out, but then decides it's a good plan regardless, acting as if it's his own. This, by the way, is what makes Seska a far more interesting villain than the Kazon; she's clearly found a way to manipulate herself into a position close to power and is willing to tolerate the indignities if it leads to a greater end. She's prideful, but not to the point where she's a threat to herself. The Kazon, on the other hand, have enough brain power to possibly lightly toast a slice of bread.

Ah, back to Voyager, and Torres coming to Janeway to discuss Chakotay. For once, Janeway is right on the mark; Chakotay is self-indulgent in running off to settle a personal score rather than looking to the greater needs of the entire crew. Torres dumps a load of crap on Janeway on why he had to do what he did, but she just tears the whole thing apart because it comes down to that same truth no matter what: he's a self-indulgent jerk running off to settle a persona score. Psychoanalyzing him isn't going to change that. Still, Janeway says she'll take it into account before disciplining him (ew!).

Chakotay comes in on an unpowered shuttle performing the dangerous maneuver, which we know is dangerous because the Rick Berman-approved generic danger music is playing. Seska sees through his plan, however, so it's battle of the technobabble. If you ever play the Starfleet version of Rock, Paper, Scissors, you should know that coherent polaron pulse beats anti-proton beam. However, and I'm so disappointed, precious time is wasted while Seska has the Kazon contact Chakotay just so she can gloat before loosing charges on him. That's just right out of the evil overlord handbook on what not to do. The time it wastes is enough for Chakotay to locate the transporter thingy, and while she's able to shut down the anti-proton beam toy, he has enough power to beam over to the ship and shoot it instead. Chakotay follows it up by pointing a phaser at Seska's face from two inches away, then hands it over to her. Given how a Kazon prison is a line with a man shouting at you not to cross it, I suppose he figures he can escape as easily as last time.

Meanwhile, Voyager picks up Chakotay's automated beacon he launched in the event that he was captured (or surrendered faster than a French soldier at the sight of a German marching band). Chakotay apologizes for being a dick, but announces that this message means he's succeeded, and is most likely dead. He asks them not to try to rescue him... yeah, that always works, and by "always," I of course mean "never."

Back on the Kazon ship, Chakotay is locked up and handed over to Seska. Chakotay says that he won't help her attack Voyager, but Seska says they don't have to now that they have Chakotay's shuttle. Chakotay says the shuttle is useless, as he's wiped the computer core... okaaaaay. And what does that have to do with anything? They can't take the transporter module off the shuttle like they did off Voyager? Like always, when the script needs something to happen, it happens, regardless of whether or not it actually makes any sense. Seska tries to seduce him for about seven seconds before going on a tirade. Incidentally, the blocking of this scene -and you know it's obvious when I comment on the blocking for Christ's sakes- is so distracting, Seska running back and forth across the room while chewing him out seems so unnatural and silly.

Seska follows this up by telling him that four Kazon ships are coming to join in the ambush on Voyager. She says that she still cares about the friends she still has over there, and that if Chakotay gives her the command codes, she can win without causing much damage and gain enough influence with Culluh to stop him from executing all of them. This is much better, and it's why I think Seska is what saves this episode. While the Kazon remain as interesting as the minutes of a PTA meeting, she actually seems capable compared to all the other rubes in this series. However, Chakotay says that Voyager isn't going to be coming, that he gave them orders not to, and that he'll never give up the codes. And back to the pacing for Seska before yelling at him, then marching out (in a completely different direction then where she'd marched to, I might add).

Back on Voyager, Tuvok and Torres are discussing the situation with Janeway. Torres is convinced they need to go after him, but Tuvok points out that they would be endangering themselves and risking the Kazon stealing more of their technology, all for a mission Chakotay asked them not to perform. Kim also reports vessels converging with the Kazon ship, making it even more dangerous. This does nothing to deter Torres, who says that the morale of the ship would suffer if they loss their first officer, although I don't think it'd suffer as much as it would if the Kazon started murdering them for sport. Still, this is enough to convince Janeway to go there regardless.

And to the Kazon ship, where Culluh is kicking Chakotay's ass, trying to get him to give up the command codes. Personally, I think anyone with a functioning brain would know that if someone with those codes are compromised, the codes must be changed, but then, this would seem to actually reinforce the absurd explanation for Seska's attack on Voyager at the beginning of the episode. I really don't know how they can expect the audience to buy this crap. Still, Chakotay gets a chance to make fun of Culluh, which is always nice. He points out all the ways Seska's playing Culluh just like she played Chakotay, and Culluh's dumber than he was because he hasn't learned anything from it. Culluh finally drugs him, but Chakotay still just taunts him through the drugs. The interrogation ends, and Seska comes back over with a needle. Naturally the needle is huge for horror effect, like the kind they use to get bone marrow out of hips. In this case, however, it only prompts laughter, because she sticks it into the back of his neck, which means the needle's winding up probably somewhere in his esophagus.

When long-range sensors locate the Kazon ship, Tuvok reads six other ships there that haven't powered weapons. Neelix says he's never heard of the Kazon sects aligning before, but Tuvok believes it the only reasonable explanation and believes it would be too dangerous to try to fight them all. Torres comes up with the ingenious plan of beaming him out. Of course, this would rely on an extraordinarily dangerous plan of trying to beam him out while they're at warp and the ship isn't, a plan so dangerous it allows Harry to have a line. However, Torres passionate pleas more than outweigh Tuvok logic and Harry's common sense, so the plan's a go-ahead. Of course, this is also assuming the Kazon are nice enough to keep their shields lowered... oops (and for those who want to argue that maybe the Kazon don't have shields, the shields were actually used as part of Seska's technobabble way of escaping the tractor beam at the beginning of the episode, so that way out is cut off).

Ah, and to the Kazon ship in question. The Kazon ship is darkly lit because they're evil and all that, and evil people like busting their shins on the sides of coffee tables and such. At least occupation-era Deep Space Nine made sense having low lights, since Cardassian's eyesight favor's low-level light... the Kazon probably prefer not having to look at each other and be reminded of how ugly their species is. Culluh brings the fourth leader into the room and proposes they join forces to defeat Voyager, steal their technology, and become more powerful than all other sects. Culluh bluffs that he already has the command codes, so they drag Chakotay in. That's good enough for the Kazon, thus proving they could probably be defeated by a child with a megaphone announcing "Your shoelaces are all untied"... probably even if the Kazon were barefoot.

On Voyager, Torres is having trouble finding Chakotay, but she finds evidence of a dampening field. She begins technobabbling her way to overcome it and finds out he's still alive. However, she can't beam him out though because of it, so Janeway has them drop out of warp and start firing. "Bridge to Torres," Janeway says. "Can you transport Chakotay?" "No, dumbass, you've raised the shields!" is what Torres does not reply with because this episode cares nothing about making sense. You might remember that not being able to transport with the shields up was a major plot point in the TNG story Descent, and three seconds before Janeway's question we clearly see Kazon weapons firing at Voyager and stopping on the shields. Like I said, the script cares nothing about whether something has to make any sense, just have it happen anyway. It could begin raining fish in Engineering if the script demanded it, and no one would bat an eye ("Re-initialize the grouper containment field!").

Anyway, Torres locks onto and beams Chakotay over, but they remodulate the dampening field and he winds up right back again. Voyager just keeps on firing. Meanwhile the Kazon are wondering why the hell the command codes aren't working, but Culluh convinces them to join the fight anyway. Seska heads to the bridge, but the Kazon won't let Culluh leave just in case he's trying to pull some ingenious trick on them. On Voyager, Janeway asks Torres point blank if she can beam Chakotay out or not; Torres naturally replies with a long-winded answer in the middle of a firefight that could just as easily have been accomplished by "No."

The Kazon finally have figured out that Culluh doesn't have the codes, and decide they'll take his ship instead, pulling guns on him. However, they're beamed away before anything more can happen, and the transporter renders the weapons useless (this is actually a consistent bit of Trek lore and not a plot convenience... ignoring the shield issues, of course). Tuvok has them all as prisoners, but offers an exchange: their freedom in return for Chakotay and their shuttle. And Seska, of course... oh no, wait, I'm sorry, I actually assumed they would want to actually remove a dangerous adversary who had stolen their technology, sabotaged their ship, and generally made them look like idiots. No, Seska's free to go... should we have her luggage beamed over to her too? What a maroon.

Now comes down to Janeway's disciplining of Chakotay (*bleh!*). Janeway's completely in the right on this one too, that Chakotay is undermining her authority with the rest of the crew, and that what he did was pretty self-indulgent. There's got to be a middle ground between Chakotay being her yes-man and running off and acting like a douche. After that's done they come across another message beacon, this one from Seska to Chakotay. "Would you like Mister Kim to put it through to your office?" Janeway asks. Chakotay has an office? Why do I think it's like the one Milton is stuck with in Office Space? Anyway, he decides that he'll listen to it in front of everyone, since that worked so well the last time. And yup, once again Seska makes him look like a doofus... turns out she stole some of his DNA and used it to impregnate herself. That's a weird kind of villainy.

Rating: 6

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