OVEG: Death Wish

Description: The episode opens with an examination of a comet, or at least, something that's like a comet but has some differences. This could be an incredible new discovery and requires the attention of a gifted scientific mind to discern its secrets. Unfortunately, she hasn't joined the crew yet, so Janeway elects to send down Torres, whom we've already established cannot identify shit even with a tricorder. Harry beams over a core sample, but instead there's a man in a Starfleet uniform who casually walks through the forcefield and identifies himself as Q. Problem being: he's not the Q we know, but then, we've already seen another person identified as Q, so apparently they're all named Q. That just sounds like them: big on power, low on creativity. We soon see that, unlike the snazzy finger-snapping of the Q we know, this one likes to do a fruity little wrist gesture that's not entirely obscene.

Still, at least, this Q is trying to be polite. He brings Janeway down to the messhall and creates a fancy lunch for her as way of thanks for getting him out of the comet in which he'd been imprisoned. He rambles a bit, revealing that the one thing he wants more than anything is to die. Well, if that's your wish, I suppose Neelix's kitchen is the best place to go. He does some over-the-top final words, then does his little fruity gesture and all the men on the ship vanish. Janeway is, naturally, pissed off, since there's killing that's been done and she wasn't in on it, so she demands they all be brought back. However, no amount of obscene gesturing on the Q's part works.

Now that this is established, the real Q shows up, berating the other one (who, for reason's of simplicity I'll call Quinn, which will later be adopted by this Q. Pretty good choice, as it reflects Dr. Quinn, medicine woman as well as the 260 IQ of Sealab's Dr. Quinn). He quickly starts berating Quinn, and then Janeway - opting for some sexist comments just to show he's an equal opportunity tormentor (since Q are suppose to be genderless, he wouldn't have a reason to actually harbor actual sexist opinions). He finally notices the absence of men on board and brings all the men back. They specifically show the return of Harry; I guess they figured we weren't too sure if he qualified. They were right.

At this point, by the way, Q lets slip that they had locked Dr. Quinn and his hydraulic penis in the asteroid. The Q are virtually omnipotent, so it's not really any surprise that a prison that they set up to contain one of their own can be easily breached by accident. Transporters - cloning, alternate universe traveling, curing disease, and breaking through the impenetrable barriers of all powerful beings... truly there's nothing they can't do, unless there's a technowhatsis field stopping them.

Quinn now asks Janeway to grant him asylum, a move that is so absurd even Q has to comment on it. This begins a game of tag across time and space, first to the creation of the universe, then to subatomic size, then into a Christmas tree ornament (this is not a joke, by the way... just felt that I needed to separate my sarcasm from the actual content). Quinn states that he'll stalemate Q for eternity if he has to, causing Janeway to go apeshit at their behavior. She finally says that she'll consider the offer of asylum, even though it's transparent that it doesn't mean squat here. None of them have been in control in the least since this started, so it has no bearing on the actual squabble. It's no different than Poland hoping to stop the Nazis by drawing a line and telling them not to cross it, something which has been shown to be pointless by the repeated escapes from Kazon prisons which employ the same technique. However, since this is a stalemate, Q accepts on the condition that if Quinn loses, he has to voluntarily return to his cell. Quinn's condition is that if he wins, he can become mortal so he could commit suicide. This creates the Star Trek Moral Dilemma™, but you've got to admit, it is a good one: do you sentence someone to eternity in prison, or aid them in committing suicide?

Well, Quinn pops into Tuvok's office and starts peering over his shoulder like some eight year old. Tuvok comments on this absence of manners, and Quinn apologizes, but offers a correction to the part about being omnipotent, that the Q have their vulnerabilities. Tuvok asks what they are... we're not told, but we'll discover that they are, in fact, muskets (this, again, is not a joke. At this rate, the series is going to come up with more absurd things about itself than I can). Quinn is there to ask Tuvok to represent him - as a security officer, he should have some experience with this kind of thing, and apparently Vulcans approve of suicide under certain circumstances. I know watching Voyager makes it seem more attractive.

The hearing begins, and it's the usual amateur hour lawyering you'd expect. Q calls an expert witness to address the issues: himself, who is conjured up in a bad process shot. Witness Q states that a Q suicide would be a disaster, that they're not even sure what the effect would be - which is the point for Quinn, that they would be facing the unknown for the first time. Q states that Quinn's comments, by the measure of the continuum, are mentally unbalanced, a point Quinn counters eloquently by rolling his eyes and making a face like a doofus. Fortunately for him, Tuvok is on hand with a better take on the whole thing, pointing out the circular logic of the situation: Quinn can't kill himself because it's immoral to let a mentally ill person commit suicide, and he must be mentally ill because he wants to commit suicide. Joseph Heller would've liked this one. Tuvok's follow-up actually deals with something that had come to my mind - the TNG episode True Q, where we find out that two Q that were made mortal were executed by the continuum via tornado. He doesn't speak to the specifics of that case, but points out that a death by execution and a death by suicide shouldn't be any different as far as its effects go. The Q's argument is just a flimsy excuse to stop him.

With Q the witness dismissed, we come to the most absurd part of the episode (and given the Christmas tree and the musket, that's saying something). Q summons Isaac Newton, William Riker, and a guy named Maury Ginsberg (yes, you might be wondering where they came up with such a stereotypically absurd name... turns out it's the name of the actor. Go figure).

Q starts making his case, bringing up Newton. Quinn, it seems, was with Newton "the day the apple fell on your head," thus enshrining a cartoon take on the event with actuality. Q states that it was Quinn that caused it to fall, thus causing the first steps of modern physics to begin. Without Quinn, Newton would've died in prison. Of course, Newton had many achievements beyond gravity, and they weren't all related to that discovery. Anyway, it would've been far more interesting if, rather than jostling a tree, Quinn had caused this more indirectly. You see, Newton wouldn't have even been under that tree had it not been for an outbreak of bubonic plague in London in the mid 1660's. Cambridge shut down for two years, and Newton found himself with free time to stop and think, and during those years he discovered gravity, invented calculus, and proved that white light is a mix of all colors. Many have commented that beyond the whole apple thing, what really kicked it off was the Black Death. Now wouldn't that have thrown an interesting wrench into this already murky problem, if Quinn had been responsible for a plague that killed fifteen percent of London's population to help further humanity's scientifc and mathematical understanding?

Q also brings up Riker. Now, it seems that Quinn had saved the life of Riker's ancestor during the Civil War, thus ensuring that Riker would come to be, and because of Riker's crucial role during the first Borg invasion, Quinn was indirectly responsible for saving the entire Federation.

This leads us to Maury, the guy in the tie-dyed T-shirt. Quinn was "the guy in the Jeep," who helped Maury get to Woodstock where he was working one of the spotlights. It turns out that there was a technical glitch that Maury found that, if it had gone unnoticed, would have prevented the concert from happening. That's it.

So, there you have it: three examples of Quinn intervening to create a better galaxy by furthering the advancement of science and mathematics, preventing the conquest of worlds by the Borg, and Woodstock. Jesus Christ, I can't believe they would actually do something so stupid as to put Woodstock in the same list with those. Hey, if you wanted something social so bad, how about instead of Woodstock, it was the Lincoln Memorial, when King gave his famous "I Have a Dream" speech - an event that won King the Time Man of the Year and the Nobel Peace Prize, in addition to putting peaceful pressure on Washington to make Civil Rights changes. Yeah, you have to give up the guy in the tie-dyed T-shirt, but maybe a franchise that has patted itself on the back so much over Civil Rights could make a little acknowledgement to the real champions instead of f*cking Woodstock.

So, Q presents his argument - that Quinn's life has led to so much good. However, Tuvok counters by pointing out that Quinn hasn't done much for the past three hundred years, since he's been locked away in a comet. Ouch, score one for the Vulcan. To trump that, he has the four of them brought to the comet prison to see the conditions firsthand, and it's not pleasant. However, having been brought back, Janeway states that although the conditions aren't pleasant, that can't really affect her ruling. Surprisingly (to anyone not as cynical as me) she seems to be siding with Q, that Quinn was put in there to protect him from himself. Aside of that, there's no evidence that Quinn is suffering, and thus no legal basis for her to aid -through her ruling- in his suicide. Surprisingly, during a recess, it's a position Tuvok seems to agree with. "I see no persuasive evidence that a life like yours should be wasted simply because you are disgruntled." I love how dismissive the word "disgruntled" is, as if Quinn's pissed because his neighbor's dog crapped on his lawn.

Now, if you have even a little experience with Voyager moral dilemmas, you know what's coming: the third option that renders the dilemma moot. She calls Q in and asks that the continuum decide to reintegrate Quinn into their society rather than sending him back to the prison. This way, everyone wins: Quinn doesn't have to go back to the cell, and he won't be allowed to kill himself. Q mulls it over, and asks how Janeway knows he'd even keep his word to such an agreement, although considering the whole basis of the hearing is based on that it seems a rather silly point.

So, Janeway lists off many of Q's faults, but then she shows just how ignorant she is with this little line right here: "But one thing you have never been is a liar." Oh really? Well, how about within the first half hour of the return of Trek to television - Encounter At Farpoint. Q states that this trial -the one for all of humanity- will be fair. He then has guards put guns to the heads of the defendants and states that they will be shot unless Picard pleads guilty. Only the most fanatical Q apologist (and I know this because I've been unfortunate enough to see it - thank you, Internet, for allowing me to meet idiots from the comfort of my own den) will think that putting a gun to the defendant's head qualifies as a fair trial by any definition. Q is a complete liar; even Picard, who has the most experience with him, refers to him as "Q the liar." Saying that Q isn't a liar is like saying Neelix isn't annoying. And even if you agreed with those nuts and say that he's more a trickster than a liar, that doesn't change the idiocy of presuming that Q can be trusted. How many times have we seen a trickster spirit -whether Loki or Mephistopheles or whatever- find a contractual loophole that makes things even worse? It's absurd, like presuming that because a man only hires assassins regularly he himself isn't a killer, and therefore dealing with him is perfectly safe. But, of course, I suppose that this and the Encounter At Farpoint example are pretty different - after all, that situation dealt with a legal matter, whereas this one here deals with a legal matter. I trust you can see the difference.

Anyway, Q says that it's moot, because Quinn's too dangerous not to be locked up. He states that one of Quinn's suicide attempts inadvertently led to the hundred year war between the Vulcans and the Romulans, so they can't just leave him be. But he does offer something for Janeway to reconsider her position: a trip back to Earth. This addition to the dilemma will pretty much go unexplored, because it's not really that central to the episode, but really we can't because you could never look at Janeway again after this without contempt. They've been here for a year and a half, and several members of her crew have been dying, and there's even a murderer being kept locked up elsewhere on the ship - all she has to do to ensure that they get home is be willing to compromise her principles. That, obviously, isn't an easy choice to make, but nevertheless, it comes down to risking everyone else's life for the sake of what she believes in. I'm sure you're not the least surprised on where that's going to end.

Well, now's the moment you've been waiting for: the big defense. Come on, you knew there had to be a big defense right? You can't have courtroom-style drama without it. In this case, they're going to the Q continuum itself to see how things are and thus understand Quinn's suffering. Since it's beyond human comprehension, it takes the form of a small settlement along a road in a desert. There's even a dog. And Quinn gives his speech, and it's admittedly well handled: to be Q is to be condemned to an existence of stagnation.

And then Quinn pulls out the big one, the ultimate irony of the situation. The reason they're in this predicament is because of Q, because of Q's misbehaving antics. In my opinion, Q was always better when he was furthering some task (like the wonderful Tapestry) rather than playing the clown like in Qpid, but this is an interesting way of bringing that behavior into context. Q was out causing mischief because there was nothing worth doing in the continuum, because it had all been done. This was what caused Quinn to reexamine the Q and realize that, with his life's work complete, there was no point in further existence, and so he decided that death was the way to end it.

We come back, and there's a recess so that we can totally undermine the effectiveness of the previous scene, which has as its only redeeming feature the silly image of Q in a nightcap. I'm not even going to waste time on it. Suffice to say that we come back, Janeway delivers the obvious ruling, and Quinn is made human. She offers Quinn the chance to join the crew, since a suicidal madman is perfectly suited to this crew. However, before his commbadge gets a chance to cool he ingests some poison and dies. Turns out Q gave it to him as an act of rebellion; he's going back to his old ways. Hrm. Anyway, he shows how moved he's been by this experience, so naturally no one thinks to ask him for the little favor of bringing them home, because that would be the smart thing to do.

Comments: Q is a tempting character: he justifies anything you want to do because he can do anything, and he's an amusing character in his own right. However, this has led to some rather gratuitous uses of him over the years, like Qpid and Q-less (In fact, it's a bit of a rule of thumb that if the title has "Q" in it, it's probably not as good... the most notable exception being the awful Encounter at Farpoint.). However, like Tapestry and Deja Q, Q works best in a story that can make use of the unique situation of an omnipotent being - and obviously, telling stories around that isn't easy. This story works because it makes use of Q beyond a clown (though the goofing around did seem mostly just to pad the episode out), instead examining an issue from a fresh perspective, something Voyager rarely does.

Rating: 7

Lazarus of the Week: all the men on Voyager, who are wished into the cornfield and then returned

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