OVEG: Alliances

Description: Well, Voyager's in trouble. The Kazon are kicking its ass, and the usual exploding consoles, shaking, no lights, and someone spraying smoke from behind Tuvok's station are on display. Things are bad even though the Kazon break off the attack - engines are down, no shields, there are plenty of casualties. If the Kazon should return, Voyager would be blown to smithereens.

Too good for 'em, I say!

Down in Engineering Torres says she had to take the warp core off line to prevent a breach (Hmm, so if it's off line, wouldn't it be running at 0%, thus landing them in serious trouble?). Meanwhile, turns out someone is in serious trouble, and you can count on the accuracy of that because the man reporting it is none other than Carth Onasi of Knights of the Old Republic. If you can't rely on Carth in a combat situation, who can you rely on? Torres sees to the badly injured Engineer, and meanwhile Tom Paris heads down to help get the warp engines back on line. Oh Tom, torn between your mastery of warp mechanics and your skills as a field medic, it's horrible that there is only one of you when you are needed everywhere. Tuvok reports that on top of everything else, the navigational deflector is damaged, so they've got to fix that too before they can even go to impulse. As if to emphasize the importance of this, another burst of smoke comes from behind him; the silliness of this moment cannot be appreciated without seeing it. Voyager - where drama provokes laughter.

Back up in Sickbay, the injured crewman dies, and Torres looks on, frankly, in a manner like she would if this were a main character; I'm surprised (there will even be a memorial service that, while not as long as Tasha Yar's, is still of fair length for someone who never had a line). Apparently people dying actually matters in this episode. This is reflected when Chakotay reports it to Janeway in her Ready Room, and it helps prompt an intriguing point: maybe it's time Voyager acts less like Starfleet and more like the Maquis. The Maquis, after all, were on their own, trying to survive, whereas Starfleet was made with vast support resources and a clear chain of command and a reputation that kept minor powers at bay. Chakotay also points out the harsh statistics - four attacks in the last two weeks, resulting in three people dead, dozens injured, and so much damage they're not sure if it can be repaired. "I don't think we can afford to keep doing business as usual."

It's a fairly long teaser, but this does end on a good hook. Will Voyager adapt to face this situation? Perhaps if I'd watched it when it first came out I might have wondered but now, with seven years of experience with this show, I laugh. There's no chance of that, especially in a Jeri Taylor script, because that would be compromising Starfleet, and Janeway is Starfleet. Still, we'll see them try.

Anyway, after the memorial service, a Maquis crewman asks Janeway what she plans to do about the Kazon. She turns the question around on him, so he says if it were him he'd give them the technology and let them do what they want to each other. Janeway replies: "I'll destroy this ship before I turn any part of it over to the Kazon." The worst part is you know she means it, as does the officer, who visibly swallows, wondering to himself why the hell he's not off screwing Amelia Eirhart instead of here facing death from either Kazons or his own captain. Out in the hall Chakotay has to drill it into Janeway's head that the Maquis joined up to defend their homes, not to die for Federation principles. When Janeway replies with disgust at the crewman's position, Chakotay reasonably asks if there's something in between her position and his. After all, this is no longer a Federation-only ship, it would be stupid to undo all of the efforts to bring the Maquis in when some kind of compromise can make the difference. Chakotay finally comes out with the idea of an alliance between them and one or two of the Kazon sects. Janeways says she can't imagine making a deal with the Kazon. "With all due respect," Chakotay says, "maybe that's because your imagination is limited by Starfleet protocols." Ouch, full body contact on that one. He follows it up by asking if she's doing her job of making decisions that are best for the survival of her crew. Boy, kill a friend of his and Chakotay remembers where he'd been hiding his balls.

Well, Janeway decides it's time to go to someone who will always roll over for her - Tuvok. However, he too disagrees with her position. He points out that Spock made a similar proposal about the Klingons that Chakotay made, that many opposed it because of how brutal and nasty the Klingons were, but that it proved to be the cornerstone of peace in the quadrant. He says that in this situation, such an alliance could not only protect Voyager, but also possibly discourage attacks among the Kazon for fear of reprisal from Voyager, and that once peace is found, it has a chance of spreading. Overall, between this and Chakotay's remarks, it's a pretty persuasive argument. Oddly enough, the convincing argument is a special flower Tuvok had bred, and the less said about it the better.

So it's off to the magic meeting room, where Janeway lays out her bombshell about seeking an alliance with the Kazon. Two plans are formulated. Neelix will meet with a high ranking Kazon in the Pommar faction who owes him favors and try to find out if an alliance can be formed with them. The other plan is to try to make a deal with Seska and Cullah, an idea Chakotay immediately rejects. Janeway takes a moment to deliver a counter-smackdown, and then, when Chakotay insists he be the one to make contact, she delivers her finishing move, pointing out that the bad blood makes him a poor choice. Fatality, flawless victory. Time to put your balls back in the box, Chakotay.

So, Neelix shows up in an alien strip club, generally making an ass of himself. It's been hard to find a best moment in the episodes of late, because they've been so dull, but since there's a hot alien dancer in there, I'll award that Best Moment. We soon find his contact is working a puzzle. The dancer says she'll screw whoever can solve it, which involves moving only two rods to turn a dodecahedron into a icosahedron. Considering that the former is composed of 12 pentagons and the later composed of 20 triangles (as any RPG geek should be able to tell you), you should be able to tell that this is a made up puzzle with an impossible solution, especially when you see that the shape in front of the guy is made up of squares, triangles, trapezoids, all kinds of stuff that would form a three-dimensional shape only if you knocked space-time into a gutter and shot it twice in the head. Anyway, Neelix butts in on the puzzle and tries making a deal, but soon he's arrested and carted away. Oo, that's close to beating the hot dancer.

Over on Voyager, Janeway lays out the conditions of the alliance. We see here her potent diplomacy skills in action; her distaste for Cullah is obvious even as she lays out the terms. Cullah adds a detail of exchanging crew members, a position so obviously stupid that even Seska tries to speak up, and Janeway responds with even more of her flopped diplomacy skills. When Cullah makes it clear he's only being difficult because Janeway is a woman, she terminates the discussions right then and there, saying her instincts were dead on when she thought about this alliance. Frankly, it seems like she was looking for an excuse to avoid it; not only was she obviously treating Cullah with veiled contempt herself, but if you're willing to tolerate a murderer but not a bigot, you've got your wires crossed. Obviously she shouldn't have to tolerate that behavior, but it's equally obvious she really doesn't want this alliance to work.

Back to Neelix (I'm sure you were anxiously wondering what was happening to him) who is led through a series of caves and dumped in a room with a bunch of aliens. Turns out they're Trabe, the species we learned controlled the Kazon back in the snooze-fest known as Initiations. Mabus -their leader- fills Neelix in on the situation; turns out the Kazon have been taking them away one by one for questioning, and they never come back. Fortunately, they got a message out and a rescue ship is on the way. Well, fortunately for the Trabe, bad for us, since it now means Neelix will live.

Well, when Neelix doesn't show up at the rendezvous, Voyager decides to wait for a while, and if he doesn't show they'll head to the planet. Meanwhile, down in Engineering, Hogan (the guy who suggested giving technology to the Kazon) asks Torres about the meeting. When it turns out things went bad, he wonders if she could do something, since she was Seska's best friend after all. Torres says she just doesn't trust Seska any more (a rather odd turn considering that she was the first to seriously suggest making a deal with Seska). This prompts one of the expected Mary Sue type bits you've no doubt been waiting for. Hogan asks snidely if she agrees with Janeway's assessment that holding onto the technology is worth dying for. Torres immediately jumps down his throat: "Who are you to be second guessing Captain Janeway? The hardest thing you have to worry about is keeping that dilithium chamber filled." Well, that and whether it'll be the Kazon or his own captain that kills him. "She's doing the best she can to get us home." That's what frightens me. And you'll notice how Torres completely ignores the issue in her rebuff; if you replaced his question with "Do you agree with the captain that ten of us be sold into slavery for safe passage?" you could still use the same response, because it has nothing to do with the actual question. Yes, Janeway is the captain and the crew must follow her orders, but we have seen that hasn't stopped people from discussing the decisions of the captain - TNG's Chain Of Command, for example, and that was two of the flagship's highest ranking officers, not to mention the fact that Torres herself questioned Janeway's decision regarding the power modules in the last episode, and had no problem stating she didn't really agree with it. What's changed since last episode... oh yes, the writer.

Down in the cave, there's the distant sound of fighting - must be the rescue party. A single guard is left, but a ball rolls up and stops near his feet. Naturally, being a member of a species that could spend two hours trying to figure out the got-yer-nose trick, he decides he'll stand there for a while looking at it before nudging it with his boot. Well, after it blows him to smithereens the group makes their escape, having caused a net increase in the Kazon's total IQ. Cut back to Voyager, which is preparing to head to the planet, when a Kazon armada is picked up on sensors. However, it turns out they're not Kazon at all, but Trabe, and Neelix and Mabus are on board. Remember that the Kazon stole their technology from the Trabe after they were overthrown, since they have the scientific understanding of a goldfish. Anyway, over dinner, Janeway is convinced they're the perfect choice as an ally over the Kazon. After all, they're white.

It turns out that even after all these years the Kazon still hold a grudge against the Trabe for the way they were treated, and every time they try to settle somewhere the Kazon attack them. Janeway suggests that with Voyager and the Trabe united, they can do their best to put as much distance between themselves and the Cylons, I mean, the Kazon as possible. Mabus suggests that rather than running, they could perhaps try to force the Kazon to the bargaining table to try and work out a peace. Janeway apparently goes along with it, because Cullah soon gets a message that all the leaders are asked to come to that meeting. He's stimied by this, and Seska takes the opportunity to point out what a goddamn idiot he is. It also slips out that Cullah thinks she pregnant with his child rather than Chakotay's... though I don't really see how she plans to convince him of that when the baby looks nothing like a Kazon. It might have been safer to actually use Cullah's DNA over Chakotay's; of course, if I was a woman, I wouldn't want to have to try to give birth to something with a head like a fishing lure.

Meanwhile, in the subplot, Carth Onasi is communicating with a Kazon to try to get ahold of Seska. During this discussion between her and Cullah, Seska points out that having him working for her on the inside will work better towards their long terms goals, but for now Cullah needs to go to the conference to make up for being a moron earlier. He could try to use the situation to unite the other factions against the Trabe and take control of Voyager. Since this is Cullah we're talking about, who managed to get the majority of the other Kazon leaders captured by Voyager and is as stupid as he is ugly, I'm sure the Trabe are really losing sleep over that thought.

And back to the main plot. Seems that some mercenary was caught trying to make a map of the conference site, and the speculation is that an ambush is planned to wipe out the opposing rivals. Janeway decides she'll still go, reasoning that any chance for stability in the quadrant is worth the risk. So they show up for the conference along with the five Kazon leaders (which means that Voyager has captured 80% of those in attendance and had multiple run-ins with the last; no wonder the Kazon have been gunning for them). The discussion begins, with the Kazon very suspicious. Cullah finally speaks up, making a show of pouring a tall glass of green Kool-Aid, generally throwing suspicion on the whole affair. Finally, Mabus speaks up and asks Janeway to join him in conferring in private. A small Trabe ship appears outside, and Mabus is wearing a shit-eating grin before they're beamed out. The Trabe vessel shoots it up like the world's nasty drive-by before Voyager hits 'em with a few photon torpedoes (I'm rather surprised they didn't accidentally blow up the whole city doing that).

Back on Voyager, Janeway's seriously pissed off. Mabus explains that his plan was to eliminate the Kazon leadership, that the infighting to follow would have given them time. Janeway remains pissed and ends the alliance, beaming him back to his ship. This means, of course, that we'll have to return to the magic meeting room again. Here, Janeway delivers The Speech, about how there's a lesson in all of this, that they need to stick to the ideals of the Federation. Or, as Homer Simpson said, never, ever, try. Albert Walker of Agoby Booth probably put it best: "And with that, the ship merrily cruised off into the status quo. In retrospect, that was probably the moment the Trek franchise died. ... that speech was the signal that from here on out, no chances would ever be taken with the franchise." It's ironic in a way that because of episodes like this one, with its multiple instances of sexism, that in the end to save the show they'd bring on board Seven of Nine, whom even I have to admit was there in part to provide tits and ass.

Rating: 6

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