OVEG: The Chute

Description: Our episode begins with Harry being dropped out of -check the title- a chute. Like many Voyager titles in general and Kenneth Biller's in particular, it's just one word (well, two technically, as we've included the definite article to indicate this is the chute, the one and only, the holiest of holy chutes, who coupled with the ladder to produce a kids board game). And, of course, it is just one random aspect of the story. The Chute could just as easily been The Clamp or The Prison or The Rage, they're all elements to the story, and all play a part. The chute is no more or less important than those others, but it's singled out. If Voyager had done A Taste Of Armageddon, it would have been titled Simulation and a quarter of the script cut to have a technobabble thwarting of the war computer.

So Harry gets dumped on the floor and prisoners are all around him, taunting him and then deciding to pass the time by playing a game of "Kick the shit out of the new guy." Paris shows up and joins in for a while, then finally fighting another prisoner to have him, until finally he's able to take Harry back to his area of the prison. Don't worry, despite what we know about Harry, Tom's intention is strictly to protect his friend, though we'll have to see what Harry's intentions are.

So it turns out they're prisoners of the Akritirians, who believe that Tom and Harry planted a bomb that killed dozens of their soldiers. They were rushed through a trial, drugged, then dumped into The Chute®, a prison with no guards because it's all deep underground and the only way in or out is The Chute®. Tom also reveals the presence of The Clamp, which is put in the prisoners' brains to get them all riled up, because criminals don't get angry without encouragement, I guess. Oh, and naturally removing it is lethal. It's going to play a part in the story in some ways, but personally I'd have preferred another direction, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Anyway, food is finally dropped down through The Chute® and the criminals rush to grab some, murdering each other to get some. One crazy guy also tries heading up to get more, but gets blasted by a force field. Neither Tom nor Harry winds up with any food, but they banter a bit to try to keep their hopes up. It's not helped though by The Clamp, which is causing them to start snapping at each other. Fortunately The Chute® is no match for its arch-nemesis, Technobabble®! Tom has a pipe and figures with some wiring Harry can short out The Chute® long enough for them to get out and to the surface. I wish I had a pipe to get me out of this episode.

Over on Voyager, they haven't been sitting on their hands, no no. They've been talking to the Akritirian ambassador to try and find them, but now are being subjected to The Facts Of The Case. Tom and Harry had bomb residue on them (which Chakotay observes anyone near the explosion probably has) and Voyager's dilithium can be converted into trilithium, which was what powered the bomb (as always, seems a little silly... it's hard to believe this thing was outdone by one guy with a truck full of fertilizer). The ambassador not only refuses to believe Tom and Harry could've been innocent, but orders Voyager impounded and everyone arrested. It all reminds me of Resistance, the evil government with their crew prisoners and the leaders refusing to listen. However, instead of vaudeville, we get Harry and Tom cuddling up together... I truly don't know which is worse.

So after the daring escape as Voyager slowly flew away while not firing a shot, Janeway decides they'll have to just prove Tom and Harry's innocence, and to do that, they'll need to find out who made the bomb. However, their sensors can tell that there's no trilithium anywhere within range of the Akritirians; boy, if only Tom and Harry were made of trilithium, Voyager could easily find them. So Torres suggests they start looking for paralithium, which is a low fat substitute for regular trilithium. Actually it's used in some ion engines, so they go speeding off to try and find them.

And we're back to Tom and Harry. Really, we're at the point where I'm sure you could just keep writing the review yourself, as it follows the standard rules. Tom and Harry are working on the wire for the pipe while bantering about how hungry they are. This inevitably leads to a confrontation with one of the prisoners and his flunkies, and Tom has to play tough guy. Harry is restrained the entire time in a manner that is usually reserved for stick-thin blond romantic interest, complete with him saying "Come on, Tom," in a weak, high voice. God, Harry, you are a pathetic boy-woman. Paris gets stabbed in the gut, and now Harry finally bursts free for his shining moment, which involved him swinging an eighteen inch pipe two-handed in a frantic manner that manages to keep everyone at bay, but I think it's mostly because he's so damn funny. Yeah, you could probably kill somebody with that if you knocked them down or caught them off guard, but in this case it's like weilding a steak knife like a katana. To make this even funnier, one of the prisoners is standing off to the side and decides that since he has a pipe, he'll swing it around a bit too while standing in one place like some kind of interpretive dance. One thing I love about Voyager, they're not afraid to take what's supposed to the crushing of the human spirit and cause laughter. So far this episode is like Midnight Express as performed by The Wiggles.

Well, with Tom being stabbed in the gut and all, Harry's now in charge of taking care of him. Another prisoner named Zio steps in, with the prognosis that even if Harry can stop the bleeding Tom will die of infection. Harry, to show just how incredibly stupid he is, says they have to get him to a doctor. Congratulations, it manages to both state the obvious and request the obviously impossible, all in ten words or less. Poor Harry... if only your mouth would stop working so you can at least pretend you're not horribly, horribly naive.

So Harry starts bringing Tom back to their little hovel, but it turns out a bunch of crazy guys have taken it over and begin acting like, well, crazy guys, so Harry and Tom have to head off. Harry heads over and tries trading his boots for some stuff from Zio, but Zio's not interested. The only thing he is interested in is the pipe, which Harry can't part with. Oh fickle winds of fate... So Harry finally offers Zio the chance to come with them. Naturally he thinks Harry's nuts, but eventually decides he'll help them out for the chance to escape. He also threatens Harry because, you know, it's that kind of episode.

We get back to Voyager who has been stopping ships left and right to try to find the right one, but it seems they've finally found it. The two crew members are confrontational, ready to flee, and refuse to let Voyager check out their ship. Yup, they're guilty, and just to confirm it, the plot-of-the-week alarm goes off. You know the one, right? The one that trills like a cricket whenever they're near whatever plot Macguffin there is this episode. With trilithium residue on their ship, it's enough for Voyager to seize them. The two are brought to the magic meeting room for the confrontation. This, by the way, is the point where I have to wonder who in the casting department is trading roles for sexual favors, because these always work out the same: talentless actors chewing up the scenery as they try to state in no uncertain terms they are devoted to the cause of their character. I cannot listen to that crap any more, spewing on about legitimate governments and the righteousness of the cause as if we're supposed to care. Please, save it for Star Trek: The Generation That Gives A Flying F*ck.

So it turns out these two are Vel and Piri, brother and sister. The sister is very young and calls Open Sky -the terrorists- patriots, but Janeway has no interest in that either. "I don't know much about your world," she tells them at the start of her giving a point, but all that does for me is wonder why she thought some world she knew little about would be the perfect place for shore leave. Looks like Harry's not the only one without a working brain this episode. "Yes, that Hitler seems like a fine leader, we should consider shore leave there. Oh, look at all the tanks and men in uniform heading up the road; must be a parade! Oh we can't miss that!"

Tuvok comes in and says that their ship definitely produced the explosives, so Janeway has them tossed in the brig. Vel pleads for his sister, but she's doing the important job of overacting; she says that Janeway should just head to the prison and free her people directly, that they know where it is. Janeway refuses and the girl calls her a coward, causing Janeway to get very annoyed. Save it, save it... she'll pay soon. They'll all pay soon...

And speaking of going slowly crazy, back to The Prison where Tom and Harry talk about Zio a bit. Tom reiterates his position: if it comes down to it, Harry's to save himself and not worry about Tom. But I'm sure that's solely in a male bonded way heterosexual way. With that lovely sentiment Harry and Zio go futzing around The Chute®, and Harry starts getting frustrated by The Clamp. Zio's a prison philospher, so when Harry comments that it feels like there are fire ants in his brain, Zio suggests that rather than fighting it, he needs to use it, use the imaginary fire ants to fight his battles for him. Harry resists that idea and Zio decides to speechify a bit himself on his beliefs about The Clamp. He states the obvious and then the dubious. The former is that it's to stop the prisoners from working together, to become organized and perhaps escape. The latter is that it's a means of population control, keeping their numbers down. Well, that's fine, except, if they don't care whether prisoners live or die... why bother keeping them alive in the first place? Why go to all the trouble to perform surgery on them just so they kill each other? Oh right, because they're eeeeeevvviiiiiillll! Thank you, Kenneth Biller.

Personally, the whole Clamp thing is just a needless bit of padding. Rather than just messing with them, it would have been nice for us to see Harry having to change here, to need to shed some of his greenness that even in the third season he still has and adapt, so that when he returns to Voyager he's not a completely clueless doofus. After all, being stuck in prison even in modern civilized nations is not picnic, so this hellhole should be a crucible for a new Harry. But no, heaven forbid that be what the episode is about. This is twice now where a Harry-centered episode was perfectly suited to develop Harry's character, and twice that they missed it. We learn nothing new about Harry, and Harry doesn't change by the end of the episode in the least. And the saddest part is that both writers who missed the obvious went on to become Voyager executive producers.

So Harry lowers The Force Field covering The Chute® using The Pipe and climbs up. At the top he sees a hatch; however, turns out this isn't an underground prison at all. The prison is a space station, and the hatch leads to open space. And there's poor Harry, looking like the world's most pathetic goldfish.

Harry comes back and Tom isn't doing so well. The Clamp is starting to make him paranoid, and he rants aloud that Harry's the one who stabbed him, but finally Harry calms the raving loon down. I'm sure two years being Janeway's bitch has turned that into a much needed survival skill. The next morning, Zio casually asks whether or not Tom's dead yet (he's had his eyes on Tom's boots... what is it with people wanting to see Tom's bare feet?) and Harry gets peeved, but he starts working on the escape plan. He figures they'll wait at the entrance to the hatch and jump the guards when they come to drop off food or a prisoner. Zio points out that even with the element of surprise, starved prisoners are going to be no match for men with guns. Harry begins ranting about ways to escape that are obviously unlikely to work, until Zio starts to push his manifesto on him again. I swear this guy is like the Akritirian version of L. Ron Hubbard. Harry throws the manifesto down, scattering the pages, and while Zio is peeved he decides not to give Xenu the satisfaction.

So Harry tries to rally the prisoners for his daring plan, but they all just laugh at him. Poor dumb Harry. He's all set for the big Once More Unto The Breach scene and everyone just keeps making fun of him and tossing cans and bits of junk at him. After this humiliation, Harry comes back and sees Tom has dismantled the pipe and is clearly not at all together any more. Harry finally snaps and begins beating Tom with the pipe, seeing Janeway's face the whole time, I'm sure. He manages to stop himself before he kills Tom, but Zio tries to get him to finish it, pointing out that he's nothing but a burden. Harry's got to kill Tom and get on to the real work: spreading the message of Zio's manifesto. Yeah, Zio's not crazy at all. Harry refuses despite the brilliance of this plan, and Zio kicks he and Tom out of his shack.

Back on Voyager we discover that just because Zio's theory that The Clamp is a population control device is stupid doesn't mean it's not necessarily true. Janeway speaks with the Akritirians, and they say that even if Janeway can prove Tom and Harry's innocence that they can't be released, that a conviction cannot be overturned no matter what. As usual in a Kenneth Biller script, it's a completely stupid policy that has been created solely to move the plot along. So Janeway goes down to talk to Val about finding out where the prison is. He wants her to rescue more Open Sky people, but she makes it clear they can rot for all she cares, and he finally capitulates when she threatens to turn him and his sister over. The last thing you'd want to do is do anything to help overthrow such a benevolent government as this.

The rescue plan goes into full force, and not a moment two soon. Harry's trying to protect Tom from the mob who want his boots and his clothes when Janeway and Tuvok drop down The Chute® with phaser rifles. After zapping some prisoners they start to head back to Neelix's shuttle... oh yeah, they decided the best thing to use for this rescue operation was Neelix's garbage scow, complete with Neelix as the pilot. The absurdity of the situation really has to be seen to be believed - these are the most ineffective evil henchmen we've seen since Resistance. We soon get to Neelix boasting of his piloting abilities afterwards, telling of how he made the daring escape. If you actually watch the scene, this incredible maneuvering involved flying in a straight line and then turning around behind the prison before heading into warp. It's the space combat equivalent of ducking behind a wall, and Neelix acts like he was Han Solo dodging asteroids.

On Voyager, the Doctor easily removes the implants and Harry feels glum for, you know, trying to kill Tom and all that. But they are best probably-hetero buddies and go off to have dinner together to celebrate their straightness.

Rating: 6

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