OVEG: Future’s End, Part I

Description: This episode opens without in the least endearing itself to me: it opens with a hippie camped out up in the mountains. To remind us that it's 1967, he has his radio tuned in to provide us with news broadcasts that make it abundantly clear. It calls to mind one of Joel's inventions on MST3K, the prop radio that can be tuned in to the plot-specific news channel for things like "We interrupt the broadcast to bring you a special bulletin: the Midvale bank has just been robbed by two armed hooligans." Eventually, sick of that current events stuff, the hippie tunes the radio over to some generic sixties music you might have seen Marsha Brady dancing to, since they apparently can't afford any identifiable music by the artists preaching peace, love and sharing because of the big fat royalty checks required. Yeah, 'scuse me while I kiss the sky.

The sky, however, ain't kissing back, because it instead chooses to drop a big explosion right by the hippie's camp site. To remind us he's a hippie, he looks at it and goes "Far out." He's clearly looking at a wrecked spaceship while he says it. Just for academic reasons, how much drugs do you have to put into your body that nearly being hit by a spaceship generates that response? Are we talking a few joints and a fifth of scotch or a few dots of acid and some smack? And the question must be asked if reaching a point where you'd be so stoned that this is your sole response, how often are you seeing spaceships that aren't there? "It was different this time. Normally Morglis and his six love partners come out and teach me how to play the guitar-fish with the hand of my mind, but not this time. I think he might have had some brews first and screwed up the landing, man."

So after the opening credits we have Janeway and Tuvok discussing her return to tennis. To remind us that this is also The Future, the comm system announces "Attention: the First Bank of Talax has just been robbed by two Kazon using a multispectral subspace resonance beam." Well no, actually instead of the prop radio we have the futuristic tennis racket and futuristic tennis ball. Looks like a frying pan and a dog toy to me.

Anyway, they're soon called to the bridge by a red alert over something out there. As Brannon Braga is one of the writers on this episode, you shouldn't be surprised that this thing is "a distortion in the space-time continuum." I like that this is Harry following up on Chakotay's comment that it's a "spatial rift." Always follow up a fairly short and simple explanation with a longer one that tells you nothing new, that's the Voyager way. Out of it flies a very small ship, a Federation one with a human pilot, but rather than answering hails he decides to blow the hell out of Voyager. He does this with a "subatomic disruptor." That's good, I can see why something that disrupts subatomics would affect an energy shield that's not made of atoms. After shields are knocked down and Voyager is starting to collapse, they resort to a polaron beam to quantum-sodomize the ship, and it works. Now the time ship's ready to talk, and it turns out to be Captain Braxton from the 29th century, and he's just stopped in to blow Voyager straight to hell.

The explanation for this entire scene is one that actually made me double-check the credits to see if this was a Lisa Klink script (it's not, actually). In Braxton's time a temporal explosion blew up our solar system, and Voyager's secondary hull was found in the debris. Conclusion: go in the past to blow up Voyager, and the disaster will be prevented. This is a perfect plan, except for the part where Voyager probably won't want to be destroyed. There were two ways to handle this situation from a story standpoint. One is that Braxton simply shows up and tries reasoning with them about letting him destroy Voyager without them on board, and it only resorts to this because Janeway ultimately refuses to strand her crew out here. The other would be for Braxton to demonstrate clear insanity in the wake of the tragedy (some kind of personal loss that has pushed him over the edge) - a point which would actually fit what we will discover later in the story. That's obviously why it was missed: because it makes sense and is synergistic with the story.

Instead of any real thought we jump straight into the action without rhyme or reason. I particularly like the irony of the declaration "no time!" from a man who is piloting a time ship! Unless we find out that temporal space bats are going to show up and eat everyone, he should have all the time in the world. Instead Voyager decides to use the deflector to bounce the beam back, and the time ship gets damaged, and it and Voyager are sucked into the whirlpool of death.

Once things have settled down, they realize they're back over Earth. They try hailing Starfleet, but with no response they turn on the prop radio again and listen to all the plot point stuff to establish that this is 1996. So, there you have it, our future characters back in our present. This, you may recall, was the concept of the successful Star Trek IV, and the reason for that wasn't really because of the plot. The plot, when you came down to it, was silly: we need whales because somehow there's another ship far more powerful than anything in the Federation that was created by creatures who live in water, an environment where fire, metallurgy, paper, and electricity, to name but a few important bits in developing, are next to impossible. What made the story work was that it wasn't about that except as a motivator; it was really more about the characters and how they dealt with this world. Unfortunately, this story is going to downplay that in favor of The Plot!

So Janeway, Tuvok, Chakotay and Paris beam down to go looking for the time ship in LA. They split up and go looking around, and Janeway muses that in 2047 an earthquake will cause this entire area to fall under the sea. This great thinking was no doubt employed in the scientifically nonsensical movie 10.5, which had an earthquake that chased trains, split California, and reached a magnitude that would require a fault line that circled the entire planet. While an earthquake is a potential disaster for human beings, as our structures are collapsed by the forces involved, tectonic plates are huge and their activity -while humbling to us people on its surface- is rather minor over short time periods. An entire area sinking because of an earthquake is as laughable as thinking a mountain might grow under your house while you sleep. And all of this, by the way, is to set up a lame joke about how California Is So Crazy! which was already done a minute before (and better executed). As if to emphasize just how lame this all is, we get a young lady doing SETI stuff that does the "No way! Way!" bit. Having the area fall under the sea is too good for these people.

As an aside, watching their repeated reactions to the locals here, especially Janeway's look at a guy with a purple mohawk, makes me wonder how bland the future must be, that the diversity of a frickin' twentieth century beach is leaving them speechless. Are people so conformist in the future that just having a goofy hairdo or walking around on stilts is shocking to them? Honestly, the more we learn about the twenty-fourth century, the scarier it gets: we may be free of hunger and war, but we also seem to be free from deviating from the norm. What we see of Earth of that time presents one of conformism; the closest to a radical we've seen was Ben Sisko's dad, who wouldn't submit to blood tests, and even he was scared into line by a power failure. I don't sit around trying to think of things to say "I hate Star Trek," because I don't, but the writers seem to be doing one of two things: they either have a very scary opinion of what utopia is, or they are, in fact, so personally isolated that they themselves don't imagine anyone wanting to deviate from the norm. Don't misunderstand me, I think a lot of these people look like idiots, but I also know that it's just my opinion, and that everyone has the right to their own tastes, even if it's bad taste.

At this point we are introduced to our hippie from before, now thirty years later and head of Super-Mega-Global-Corp International (a division of Generico!) or something. His name is Starling, and he's played by one Ed Begley Jr. Ed Begley Jr. is a rather far left individual; I wouldn't normally bring that up, as a performer's beliefs are their business, but in this case I think it needs mentioning. There's something unfortunate about putting an actor into a role that is that of the antagonist and who is at odds with their political views. For instance, Tim Robbins -a wonderful, wonderful actor- played the Bill Gates-like villain in Antitrust, and plays him like a villain. There are some good moments, but for the most part he is fairly flat. Likewise, Starling is the villain and owns Technocorp Inc or whatever, and so is very, very flat. It's all Begley can do at some points not to break into an evil laugh. Yeah, I know some of you may protest that that was the way he was written, but let me point out that Seska was written to be worse, and she still had some depth to her.

So Starling begins chewing someone out over a chip he made. If this is supposed to set himself up as being evil, then I'd like to live in the world the creators of Voyager inhabit, because I would fully expect that if I made something that didn't do what it was supposed to that the best I'd hope for was being told to go fix it. That's like treating a state trooper who issues you a warning for going thirty over as a Nazi. The meeting is cut short because of a phone call from No Way/Way! girl, who turns out to be named Rain, which is not much of an improvement. It seems that Starling is funding their SETI work and is supposed to be contacted if certain signals are picked up, and they have been. She notes that the source is an object in orbit right over them, which should immediately spill the beans that this has to be artificial - it's impossible for something to remain in orbit over California, so whatever it is would actually be hovering there. Starling tries to get her to keep her mouth shut about it and just watch, but she decides to send the standard SETI greeting. On Voyager, Harry's in charge, so as you can imagine things aren't going well. The message shows up and you can just see on his face the certainty that he will always be an ensign.

Meanwhile Janeway and Chakotay have tracked the subspace signal back to an old homeless guy. He keeps putting signs up about the end of the world, but before they can root through his garbage pile Harry hails them to explain about the signal. Paris and Tuvok are told to go check out the observatory and see how much they've mucked up the timestream. In the meantime, they go to check out the bum and it turns out to be Braxton. He rants a while since he's a street crazy and he's expected to do that. Janeway shows him some respect, since after all Captain Archer was a street crazy too, and he was also a starship captain. He explains the paradox: that by coming back to stop Voyager, he unwittingly allowed his timeship to become stolen, and it will wind up causing the explosion that made him want to go back. Janeway needs this spelled out for her in great detail, surprising considering that she belittled Paris over not understanding this exact concept. You'd think Brannon Braga would know that, considering that he only wrote that episode.

As they go about discussing the matter, the cops show up, as someone's complained about the signs. Braxton's really gone over the deep end, so that even Janeway knows he's a lost cause. And this is why him being insane with grief when he attacked Voyager would've made sense, because it would explain why -rather than either tracking down and dealing with Starling like most Starfleet officers would, or at least find a way to settle into a new life like the Voyager crew discussed doing- he becomes a crazed homeless man. After all, you'd think someone who commands a starship that travels through time would be familiar with what to do when stranded in another time. Remember, he's not just a member of Starfleet, he's a captain of a time ship, yet when stranded in the past he's gone completely bonkers. That's like a Navy Seal who has a breakdown because he's wandered off the path in Central Park.

So Janeway and Chakotay leave Braxton to deal with the cops, and we cut over to Starling. We see he's irate because Rain blabbed what she found to someone and now word has gotten out. Like most cartoon villains, he immediately decides to liquidate her, using the flimsy justification of her being a security risk. Well, yeah, because now the info's out... so what good is killing her going to do, retroactively shut her up? And how will it not look incredibly suspicious that soon after he said Rain shouldn't be listened to she wound up murdered? For a man who became master of a technological empire, he sure is an idiot.

So we cut to Tom and Tuvok who show up at the observatory in a stolen truck. Tuvok even comments on it, but Tom is dismissive of the whole thing, as if Tuvok's being unnecessarily cautious about this. Normally Tom is the member of Voyager equipped with the most common sense, but this time he's really acting like an idiot. Supposedly, they've stolen this truck by taking a test drive, which is stupid in so many different ways. Let's assume for the moment they managed to somehow talk the dealer into not coming with them on the test drive -it's been known to happen- how is going to a dealership, getting someone to help them out, and reaching the point of letting them do said test drive without raising suspicion going to be any faster than just taking a cab? Then add in the fact that he's planning to drive a vehicle he learned as a hobby through real traffic in an environment when he's only ever simulated it; with that logic, I should be fully prepared to hop into the cockpit of an X-Wing and blow up the Death Star. And perhaps most obviously, not only is taking a cab going to be faster and safer, it's also not illegal, which is something you'd think a guy who's been to prison would keep in mind. At least, if they wanted some sign that Paris wasn't an imbecile, he could've given the hint this was just because he wanted the chance to actually drive the real thing - then it just makes him reckless rather than foolish. You could have even played up the comedy by having Paris going through the rigamarole of getting to do the test drive, having the dealer with them as Tom drives nutty and bangs into shit, complete with a finely-timed Vulcan nerve pinch for when the dealer gets out of hand. That probably wouldn't have worked because of the budget, but my point is, if you're going to do it, don't do it half ass.

So they get into the lab and check things out, but Rain comes back to remind us how much we hate her. Having seen the rural people in Caretaker, I've no doubt she's an equally exagerated stereotype of Californians (and believe me, we'll get more of that kind of crap before this episode's out), and I will say that Sarah Silverman is not actually bad at this. This character is written to annoy the living hell out of you, and she does this quite well; she's perfectly captured a character we would actually far prefer to see offed than the mustache-twirling Starling. She and Tom talk for a bit while Tuvok messes up her computer. Rain soon chases after them outside and we get more of that patented clever Brannon Braga comedy:

RAIN: Who are you people and what is that thing in your pants?
TUVOK: I beg your pardon?

With that hilarity out of the way, Evil Henchman shows up, though in this case he's an angel as far as I'm concerned, both prematurely ending the scene and trying to vaporize Rain. We salute you, and all toadies everywhere! So he takes a shot and misses, vaporizing the truck instead (he's using "the weapon" as Starling called it), and they have to escape in Rain's vehicle. Naturally, it has to be a VW Microbus complete with gaudy interior. I'm sure it's probably got about forty pounds of Mary Jane in the back too mixed in with her Crash Test Dummies, Presidents of the United States, and Spin Doctors CDs.

Back to Voyager, and my God, I never thought cutting away to Neelix would actually be an improvement. He and Kes are watching all kinds of television to see if anyone else has spotted Voyager. Harry comments that "I can't imagine just watching the story and not being a part of it," because it's The Future! Of course, like many other things with this episode, it makes no sense. Are we actually supposed to believe that in the twenty-fourth century literature is not a part of the curriculum at any level, not even in Starfleet? That's absurd. Reading skills are developed through fiction - are we to believe their books are "See Dick and Jane. See Dick and Jane performing a level two diagnostic on the power relay. First step for Dick is to remove the protective covering labeled A (see above)..." Because if literature is so unimportant that at no level do you actually learn it, then why was Voyager carrying all Federation literature in its database? And what's more, we know that novels (real novels, not holo-novels) are alive and well, as Jake Sisko's chosen to make a career of it. And you do realize that what he's talking about already exists, it's called "video games." Mass Effect, Bioshock, and even to a degree, Grand Theft Auto IV are interactive storytelling, and you can't even get a lot of people to recognize it as a legitimate form of storytelling. And before you say "but that's not the same as a holodeck," remember that holodecks at this level are very new technology - Enterprise got programming up to this level when Harry was, what, a teenager? I'm sorry to keep harping on this, but this constant Braga "It's The Future!" crap just gets on my nerves.

Oh God, and now Janeway and Chakotay break into Starling's office, and Janeway's starts using his computer. "Turn of the millennium technology wasn't a required course at the Academy. It's like stone knives and bearskins." Okay, Brannon, you know what: we get it! They're from the future, we've figured it out! Jesus F*cking Christ WE GET IT! PUT AWAY THE GODDAMN MALLET YOU'RE BEATING US WITH AND TRUST US, WE KNOW THEY'RE FROM THE FUTURE!!!

We are just a little over halfway through the episode, and I already want to beat someone with a sack of oranges!

At this point I can only finish the episode if I bite my lip and let it slide past, so let's just say it's more of everything we've already had. Tuvok and Paris talk with Rain in her van and we get him using out-of-date terms. Janeway and Chakotay are breaking into Starling's computer, and Janeway goes off again about time travel paradoxes, as told by the same writer who had her mock Paris for not understanding them. Like most Brannon Braga stories, you can be entertained if you were, say, reduced to a brain stem.

Well, Starling gets the drop on them, and he doesn't buy their story about the time ship causing armageddon. Harry is forced to act, and decides to ignore the captain's orders and take the ship down close enough for an emergency transport (they can't transport from orbit because of the damage by Braxton). He gets Janeway and Chakotay, but... but not Starling, who manages to disrupt the transporter beam. Yes, that's right, now the transporter can be stopped even by a twentieth century dude. To make it even more embarassing, he downloads twenty percent of their memory and has stolen the Doctor. And to finally compound their shame, Voyager has been filmed flying over LA and it's all over the news.

And, even as the to be continued comes up I shake my head. Apparently the LA news is incredible, as they've gotten amateur video footage from some dude over to their studio and up on the air in a matter of a couple of minutes. Maybe Starling has a matter transporter of his own. Anyway, I'm done for this week, and let's pray next week's run is a little easier.

Rating: 6

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